by Megan Stoddard

Created on: December 20, 2009

Having sex is one of the most intimate things people can do. When, where, and with whom to have it is a deeply personal decision. As with all such personal decisions, the right answer is not necessarily the same for everyone, and it may be different for the same person at different times in their life.

Part of being a teenager is determining when, and under what circumstances, you will be ready for sex. Perhaps you are dating someone and trying to decide when to take it to the next level. Perhaps many of your friends have had sex (or at least say they have) and you feel like the odd one out. Perhaps you are insanely curious as to what all the fuss is about. Perhaps others are pressuring you to have sex, or your own feelings are driving you in that direction, or both.

If you are trying to decide whether you are ready for sex, asking yourself the following questions will help you figure it out.

1. What are my beliefs about sex? What are my would-be partner's beliefs? If we have sex now, does that fit with our beliefs?

Some people see sex as the deepest possible expression of love. Some see it as a form of recreation. Sex can be both. And for young people, having sex is a way to prove yourself. It proves, at least to yourself, that you are a man or a woman. It proves that you are desirable. If you are questioning your sexual orientation, having sex may be about proving to yourself that you are straight or gay.

You may have any or all of those views of sex. If you are going to have it, you should have it with someone who shares your views. If two people have sex when one sees it as love and one sees it as aerobics, or one of them cares more about proving him- or herself than about their partner, that is a recipe for heartbreak.

If you are not certain what your beliefs about sex are, that is a sign you are not ready. And if you don't know the person you are considering as a sexual partner well enough to know what their beliefs about it are, it is not a good idea to sleep with them. Perhaps it will be after you get to know them better, but getting to know them better comes first.

Religious and moral beliefs about sex play an essential role, too. If you have been taught that premarital sex is wrong, you will be violating your own beliefs if you have it, or at least in serious conflict with yourself. You may, of course, decide for yourself that you believe otherwise. But you should not have sex if you are not certain it is the right decision for you. And you certainly

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