by Kimberly Wolf

Created on: December 20, 2009   Last Updated: December 23, 2009

We as parents are responsible for providing a solid foundation of healthy relationships and a safe and loving environment for our children. Our kids often learn how to communicate their emotions to others by following their parents’ example.  When a turbulent environment is created by the parents arguing in the very home that is supposed to be their child’s safe haven, we start to create cracks and fissures in the foundations that we work so hard to build on for our children.

Our children associate yelling and anger with troublesome situations, mainly because this is how we sometimes react to them when they have done something that they know they were not supposed to do.  Our little ones cannot often determine why their parents engage in a verbal battle but when we put them on that battlefield with us, they can often get caught up in their parents negative emotions and blame themselves as the cause of the fighting.

Disagreements between parents are inevitable, however we can learn how to control the way we approach them around our kids.  When you feel your emotions escalating to a point where letting them out would create an unhealthy environment around your children,  remove yourself from the situation by going in another room or for a walk until you calm down enough to handle yourself in a civilized manner in front of the family.  The issue that made you upset is not going anywhere; if it is important then it could always be brought up later when the kids are in bed or occupied in a different part of the house. 

Many of us that were privy to loud and turbulent fights between our parents as children still remember its harmful effects as adults.  It stays with us because it negatively impacted the place that was supposed to represent “home base” to us with the people that we looked up to and trusted the most as kids; our parents.  This unstable home life can render its victims with trust issues because they did not sense of solidarity in their own home.

Fighting between the two people that a child loves the most is hurtful for them to endure; however disagreeing in front of your child may not be such a bad thing as long as it does not involve an important situation that the child should not be around to discuss.  Watching their parents respectfully disagree with one another and solve the matter rationally will allow the child or children to understand that it is okay to disagree and how to properly handle a disagreement as opposed to the harmful alternative. Giving our children the proper tools to handle disagreements and tough situations in their own home will better prepare them to handle the outside world.

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