by Leah Curtis

Created on: December 20, 2009

“I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage.  Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.”  Maya Angelou

How very true is the sentiment by Maya Angelou that by virtue of having the same parents we must become great friends with our siblings. I come from a large family, and like most families, we are a complicated bunch. In many families, if the people were not related, they would not have anything to do with one another. I have a sister who wreaks havoc whenever she enters my live and I decided, several years ago, to cut her out of my life, as much for my daughter's sake as for my own.

I recently reconnected with my sister, with whom I had not spoken to in over five years. We became estranged for a number of reasons, the final one being a culmination of lies that she told my parents that caused a rift in our family, which to this day, has never quite healed. For a long time, I wanted nothing to do with anyone in my family. I ended up pushing away my beloved older sister because of the actions of my younger sister and my relationship with my older sister has never been quite the same.

When you are estranged from a sibling, it makes things difficult for the rest of the family because one of you tends to avoid family functions where the other one will be. Parents get especially hurt when siblings are estranged, and the tendency to want to interfere becomes quite strong. Interfering in your adult children's lives, trying to settle disputes, is never a good idea and puts a great deal of stress on everyone involved.

The best way of overcoming estrangement with a sibling is that tried and true method, time and distance. Both of these elements are very important because it allows both sides to reflect honestly on a situation. To think about what led to the situation, and how your own actions contributed to the estrangement. Situations where siblings do not speak to one another for years are not solitary acts. There are usually hurts and grievances that have piled up until one of the people involved can no longer tolerate the other person's behaviour.

A dynamic occurs in every family, where there is more than one child. Each child takes on a particular role at a young age and that role stays with them for most of their life, unless they make a tremendous effort to change it. Depending on your birth order, each person takes on a

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