by Ruthie Spoonemore

Created on: December 19, 2009

Safety Girl and Plain Joe

Online dating, I tried it once and got burned, why am I doing it again? I ask myself as I once again post my profile to an online dating site in February of 2007. I know the answer; I'm lonely and this is the most convenient way for me to meet people. I'm not athletic; I have rheumatoid arthritis, which limits my mobility. I don't drive and I'm not much of a drinker; I can't dance and don't enjoy going to bars; online seems the safest method; I feel like I have more control over who I meet.

I choose "Artist looking for a friend" as the heading since I'm not looking for a romantic relationship. I want someone who has the same creative interests, someone who would rather have a nice dinner and night of conversation than go hiking or mountain climbing. For three months, I read profile after profile, but my search is fruitless. I'm getting frustrated.

June already and I've only had two guys contact me. Neither one is close to what I'm looking for. A CEO of a sports clothing company who enjoys outdoor activities; I said I wasn't an athlete. And the other one wants to meet so we can share each other's clothes! Maybe this wasn't such a great idea,

Saturday, June 16, I log on to the site to check my inbox. A message is waiting; the subject line reads, "Likes to Draw." 

Hmm, that sounds promising. The message is nice, nothing weird. I click on his profile to find out more. Darn, he's too old! I close the link in disappointment.

The next afternoon I decide to send him an icebreaker—a canned response—to be polite: "Thanks for getting in touch. Have you got a photo?" 

Within two hours, I receive a response. Giggling, I read, "I'm sorry I don't have a photo. Are you familiar with the comedian Carrot Top? Well I don't look anything like him. I'm 6', short, dark brown hair with some gray, a gray beard trimmed very thin along the jaw line, about 208 lbs, blue eyes. I know what you're thinking 'Allen Elliot meets Dom Deluise'" Not a paid subscriber to the site, I can't send a reply.

Later I meet my friend Mary for coffee. "Hey, I got two messages online, from this guy, Allen, he seems nice," I say. "But he's too old for me. He's fifty-three."

Looking at me strangely, she says, "And how old are you?"

Pausing, I look at her "Oh my gosh." I feel my face get warm. "I forgot; I'm going to be fifty-one soon. I guess he isn't too old." 

Soon I hear from him again. Man is he persistent. Now he wants to meet for coffee.

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