by Joyce M. George-Knight

Created on: December 19, 2009

Parents of adults are reminded that they are always a parent and still needed when their adult child telephones and asks, “How do I...?” Whether the questions concerns health remedies, cooking advice or anything else, your child still needs answers. Ah, it melts a parent's heart.

Now, when parents witness an adult child's life in distress, there's a fine line between parenting and interfering. Every person reacts differently, but more likely than not, you are best off to simply state your recognition of the child's problem, and then offer to be of service when needed. This non-threatening approach is non-authoritative or overbearing. You leave the door open to your child. Such action says, “You are in control and I trust your judgment. I'm here if I can be of assistance.”

We want to be a friend to our adult child, and the optimal way to do that is to listen in silence. Hear what your child is saying, repeat that which you believe he needs to hear himself say and only offer advice if requested to do so. Even then, turn it around and say, “If it were your child telling you this, what would you tell him?” We love to share the lessons we've learned. However, our children need to learn their own lessons and figure out their own problems. We, as parents, guide them with techniques that we know are effective.

In the long run, you will be kept in the loop and learn much more about what is occurring in your adult child's life, when you keep your opinions to yourself. There may be stories that could be shared concerning family members and friends that will teach lessons without being “in your face” answers.

A monthly get-together with your adult child doing something you both enjoy maintains and strengthens your relationship. Doing things side-by-side is an excellent means of sharing the goings on in your lives. Whether the activity is an afternoon of baking, breakfast at a restaurant, bowling or few hour shopping, simply treasure your time together.

Remember your history with your parents. What was irritating? What do you wish had been done differently? Based on these answers, you'll figure out a better way to be a parent to an adult. Times have changed and sharing feelings of love is much more acceptable today. You know your child best. Whether through a hug, kiss, pat on the shoulder or back or simply expressing an “I love you,” you'll know how to communicate your feelings. After all, you are a parent every day of your life.

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