by Joyce M. George-Knight

Created on: December 17, 2009

Married in 1958, Newman gave a silver cup to his wife, Joanne Woodward, on which he had inscribed, "So you wound up with Apollo/If he's sometimes hard to swallow/Use this." At the time of their marriage, he had no way of knowing that their exchanged wedding vows promised, “until death do us part,” would last for over fifty years.

Knowing that he had a strength and determination that might be tough for her to handle at times, Newman began their marriage with a bit of humor. One could only wonder how many times throughout their years together, they referred to that silver cup. How delightful that he had foresight to recognize that life would not always be “easy to swallow.”

For another couple, Jane and Wade, the vision of their wedding day was the agreed upon means of defusing a squabble or some marital discord. When anger and hurt made it almost impossible to communicate, one or the other would recall an aspect of their wedding day for them to focus on. In so doing, the visions of their happiness in their wedding attire was enough to bring them back to a more harmonious environment. Then, they were capable of rationally discussing the situation at hand and come to a resolution.

Certainly being married for decades has its pros and its cons. The pros can be that husband and wife become so used to one another that they tend to assume or take each other for granted. Life becomes routine and predictable. While the cons can be that freshness and surprise no longer occur within the marriage. There is no spontaneity, for they have become so comfortable with the known that they don't even think to deviate from the “norm.” Each couple should discuss ways in which to keep their relationship alive and challenging.

With each anniversary, the couple can review the past year. Through discussing how situations were handled, short-term and long-term goals, the next twelve months can bring a newness to their relationship. For example, the wife wishes to return to work. The couple then needs to consider some questions such as, how will these changes impact each of their lives? Why is this change necessary? How will everybody benefit from this change? Such a decision would require making advance plans for child care, housekeeping duties and perhaps how to handle other family issues, after which a goal and plan would be the next course of action.

Older couples may be looking ahead to retirement. Such topics of discussion would include, what is the best year to retire? Would both retire at the same time? What goals do each have individually and as a couple? Retirement can be both exciting and terrifying. There is much to consider regarding finances, self-esteem issues, keeping busy and the recognition that they are nearing the end of their lives. These topics can be difficult to tackle. However, if not addressed, the couple could fine themselves retired, bored-to-death with each other, depressed and not knowing what to do with their time.

Communication and planning are ongoing tools for a long and healthy marriage. Its the means for the couple to live out their vows to endure the ups and downs, joys and sorrows of life “until death do us part.”

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