by Kris Koments

Created on: December 17, 2009

Most individuals have experienced abuse first hand in one form or another but may not have realized it at the time.  This article is to educate and enlighten anyone who might be living in an emotionally abusive and potentially dangerous relationship.  Below you'll find some of the most common warning signs of an abusive spouse or partner.

•A hurried affair

Because abuse is a form of manipulation driven by the desire to dominate and control, oft times the abusive person will hide his/her abusive nature or any other tell-tell signs of an abusive personality up until they are satisfied of your commitment.

It is then no wonder that most abusive relationships are a hurried affair.  Your future, abusive partner is not willing to take any chances and will do and say almost anything (including lie) to speed things along.

•Past history of abuse

Abuse is normally not a one time event.  Most abusive personalities have a history of abuse and/or violence.  Sometimes he/she might even confess of past violent behavior but is almost never willing to take responsibility for it.

•Shifting blame

One thing all abusers take pride in; it's never their fault!  Keep in mind most abusive people don't realize they have a problem.  They almost always blame their wrong-doing on the victim.  For example: "If you wouldn't do things to make me angry. . ."  they might say, or "It's your fault I'm always angry." 

Even with low self-esteem the abuser is somewhat of a narcissist and will always see himself/herself as the victim. 

•Dual personalities

Interestingly enough, it is not uncommon for the abuser to be well known and even well respected in his/her community.  He/she is more than capable of being kind, loving, adoring, and attentive, but behind closed doors the abuser can be extremely cruel.

•Isolation

There are many reasons the abuser might try and keep their victim isolated from friends, family and co-workers, and even the rest of the world but mostly it is driven by their need for domination and control.  The need (desire) for control is so strong that the abuser (in most cases) will demand you spend all your free time with him/her.

•Domination and control

Although Domination and control issues don't always spell abuse, they are two of the top characteristics of an abusive personality, emotionally or otherwise. 

Studies show that domination and control issues tend to escalate over time rather than dissipate, so even if there is no abuse present at the moment, there is a good chance for it in future.

•Seek help

If there is any indication that your significant other might have an abusive personality, please seek guidance and/or counseling.  You should never have to go through this alone

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