by Brenda Nelson

Created on: December 16, 2009   Last Updated: December 23, 2009

Before you move in with your significant other there are three questions you should both ask to be sure you are not rushing into making an impulse decision.

1.  Are our long term goals and expectations the same?

Sometimes people move in and one person assumes they are headed toward marriage and the other thinks differently. This will cause problems down the line along with many other factors that should be looked at openly and honestly between the two parties.

Sometimes goals, plans, and expectations, clash - forming a problem that may break the relationship later on. These can be things like if one person wants to own their own home, and raise a family, but the other wants to party and travel. It can also include factors like one person expecting the home to be clean all the time, and the other not really caring.

It is entirely possible to be compatible while dating but completely incompatible for living together, and this is best discussed openly and honestly rather than putting on blinders and thinking that everything will be perfect. Each person should be aware of their goals in life and how they expect to get there. If these are not somewhat close then moving in together should be reconsidered as much as the relationship itself may need further consideration.

2.  How will this effect everyone involved?

Sometimes moving in together has the positive effect of making living expenses lower because the housing cost, and most bills, are shared by two. However there can be a multitude of other things to consider, both positive and negative. This is especially true if children, or even pets, are involved.

Moving in can be very difficult on adults as we learn to share our space with an other person. Imagine how traumatizing it can be for children. They now have to not only share their space with an other person, but also have to share their parent with that person too. Occasionally this goes smoothly, but at the worse end a deep hatred or resentment is formed. This can go both ways, while the child is usually blamed for resenting the new adult, often the adult may resent the love their significant other shows towards their biological children from a previous relationship.

When pets are involved sometimes people are asked to give the pet up as in the case of allergies or pets that are not compatible. Sadly for some older animals this may mean a life sentence, as older pets are not likely to find new homes. Granted this may not seem like a reason not to live together but it does raise an area of concern as to how to go about dealing with the issue.

Consider how it will effect you having somebody in your personal space and no option to get away. Consider how it will be for them. If either person is clingy and the other a bit more independent, this could be a disaster right from the start.

In the end weigh the positives and negatives and be aware of what problems might arise before they do.

3.  Why are we moving in together?

It is important that moving in together is not an impulse decision, one that will be regretted later. Ask why you are moving in together. Is it because you can save money by having only one dwelling expense? Is it because you want to test the waters before marriage? Is it because you want easier sex? Is it because of pressure from family and friends?  Is it because it is expected?

Figure out why you want to move in together. Doing anything for the wrong reason is doing the wrong thing. While moving in together can be undone later, it is expensive and stressful. So many things in life are impulse decisions, many are regretted later, do not let this be one of them.

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