by L. Merlino

Created on: December 16, 2009

Popular people have a greater chance of survival in life. They attract more social and romantic contacts, land better jobs and basically have more options to climb the ladder of success.

There is also a down-side to being popular. Can you ever truly be certain if people like you for who you are or for who you know? It is possible to be lonely in a crowd. Yet, being at the the hub of a large social network can be most reassuring and do wonders for one's chances of upward mobility.

Humans are social animals - it is ingrained in our genes, no doubt because it helps assure the survival of our species. The quest for popularity is a crusade that many of us embark upon - often feverishly.

If life were not a popularity contest, people would more likely focus on cultivating more quality relationships rather than scattering themselves across a broader playing field. Quantity does not necessarily ensure quality - or even intimacy. Even the most popular celebrities often suffer from lack of fulfilling relationships. Frequently they attract so many gold diggers and social climbers that they fail to distinguish the worthwhile friends and partners from the flakes. With so many flatterers on their doorstep it can be a bit blinding.

Life itself should not be a popularity contest, though it is understandable why many people make it so. We feel there is strength in numbers - and there is, to a point. The more of an entourage we can gather about ourselves, the more likely we are heard ... many of us need an audience to get our points across, to fulfill a life mission. Public relations matter in the world of business, creative arts, even humanitarian enterprise. Occasionally, it takes a crowd to rock the world on behalf of a cause. The charismatic amongst us often reaches more hearts and minds than the wallflower. Popularity itself however, is not the defining factor in the human quest to love and be loved. It does not guarantee successful "personal" relationships. Those must be forged through intimacy which rarely thrives in a crowded room.

There is always a difference between one's public persona and one's true self. We all have warts, imperfections that are rarely exposed when we "hold court." Ideal friendships are those where we are accepted for or even in spite of our complete selves.

So, what if you are by nature a social butterfly? Where does that leave you in terms of fulfilling human relationships? Well, precisely where you need to be in the great scheme of things. If you are popular, you obviously have it in you to be a leader in some context. How you use that gift, or whether to use it at all is up to you.

Do, however, make an effort discern the difference between those who love you for who you are and those who flock to you for other reasons. Then take time to cultivate the friendships that hold the most promise. Even if you find a handful of true friends, consider yourself fortunate.

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