by Heather Brearley

Created on: December 15, 2009

People who belittle others are only belittling themselves

I live in a family with allot of bullying and negative belittling.   One particular family member loves to tease and belittle people.  Though, he has made an attempt to get better.   One person mention the word “Victim” 

 Do we choose to be victims?  I do not believe people do.  The only way to stop negative criticism is for the “Victim of the attack to start realizing that they are not anything that their attacker is attempting to say.”

Each person who has ever been in an invalidating environment should really take a step back.  I came across the question one time.  I cannot remember the book.  The question stunned me. It said...

“What would it look like to love yourself unconditionally?”

Ask yourself that question.  Then make a list.  The first time I did this I realize I was belittling myself.  Often when a person belittles others it is to try to compensate for changes they know they need to make.

 When you grow up in an environment that is belittling and invalidating...You either get a strong sense of self by not accepting the emotional abuse.  Mostly the belittling words become internalized.

 Internalizing shows up in many forms:  People who are overweight have internalized all their stress in their bodies.   Or else stress can come out through your skin manifesting itself in many ways.  

I think people who bully are really like small angry children.  There is no reason why parents should bully their children.  It causes such a host of problems for society in general. 

Sometimes victims become abusers passing the abuse on to their children and the ugly cycle continues. True healing in the family should start first with

1)  Acceptance that there is a problem.

2)  Seeking out mental health help for the entire family.

 Families who fight to stay together even in tuff times can really make a difference in the generations behind them.  No one should be a martyr.  No one should have to play any role in the family.  Accept being an equal member who is not labeled as less than by anyone.

  No one deserves to be bullied.  Yet everyone deserves to have the strength to stand up to them.  Life is all about finding our center of self.  It is about finding balance on our own path.

 So many of us seem to think we must follow a leader.  I believe however that it is better to form your own values and stick to your own beliefs.   It really does not matter what a bully says.  It’s all about what you believe about yourself.

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