by Logan Mansfield

Created on: December 14, 2009

You know those relatives that you hate seeing every year for Christmas? Mine get the award for Worst Relatives Year Round. In fact, my parents tried very hard to keep us away from them whenever they could, but on one random Christmas these relatives of ours invited themselves over for no other reason but torment, carnage, and torture. Please keep in mind that they do not live in the same state as us, nor the state over or even five states from us. We are worlds apart. Yet, they managed to figure out a way to guilt trip my parents into a family dinner. The most wonderful time of the year turned into the most loathed. I was tempted to see how Guantanamo was this time of year.

They had all arrived days before. Fortunately for us we didn't have much room in our house. They all had to check in to hotels around the area. There weren't many that came. This was also to our benefit. However, what they lacked in numbers, they made up for in irritation. It was mostly members of my Uncle's family. My cousin, his wife, and daughter also came. Some, of course, were fine. They were quiet and awkward. Imagine for a moment the most self-centered, selfish, and unsuccessful people. That's them. They were also extremely loud. Their jokes weren't funny. Their conversations which consisted of trucks and roadkill were boring and frankly disgusting. They didn't have the best attention to personal hygiene. But the worst part of all of it was that their moral character was equal to a hog digging around in rotten cabbage slop.

My parents did everything they could to keep things rolling smoothly. Anytime I saw my father tromping around he had the eye of the tiger in him. Focused and determined to have this day end, he fought viciously to keep the relatives at bay. Unfortunately, that was like trying to fend off a hundred zombies with a salad fork. The onslaught began when they came over for Christmas. My aunt, the passive aggressive Queen of America, criticized everything in the home, the food, the tree, the decorations. "We could never afford this," she would say. "You must really be doing well for yourselves" Most of the things she said this about were items from Wal-mart. The tree of course was too small. The decorations weren't of her taste or variety. I was so glad to have a family critic invite herself over for Christmas dinner. It really brought the Christmas spirit into view for me.

Opening presents that morning was like pulling teeth with a pair of scissors. We had no idea what

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