by Joe Murray

Created on: December 14, 2009   Last Updated: December 17, 2009

"2012" elicits three word staples of the movie review writin' bid'ness, "meticulously," "inexorably," and "interminable;" as in, Roland Emmerich's "2012" meticulously limns events leading inexorably to the end of the world, through an exhilarating second act, to an interminable third act that maybe lasted 30 minutes too long and had me looking at my watch.  Okay, I used the word "limn."  So make that four movie review biz word staples.

The year is 2008, when American scientist Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor) - who gives a more straightforward performance than his name - arrives at the Indian Institute of Astrophysics, built atop one of the deepest mines on Earth, to commiserate with Indian scientist Satnam Tsurutani (the barely used Jimi Mistry).  There, 11,000 feet down in a gadget-loaded Earth monitoring station, where the temperature is so hot that personnel periodically stick their feet into tubs of ice cubes for relief, Dr. Tsurutu... er, Dr. Tsurutatta...  uhm, Dr. Tsu reveals that deep within the Earth water is boiling like rice tea (which I thought was kinda expected), but which moreover prompts him to explain, "The neutrinos are causing a physical reaction."

"That's impossible!" responds Dr. Helmsley.

It is.  Quite impossible.  Speaking of neutrinos, we can barely even detect the pesky things.  Let alone expect them to damage, or slightly scuff, anything.  But Hollywood never gets but the most mediocre marks in science or story logic.  Indeed, I've of the opinion that the moment a story-teller sets foot in Tinseltown, they suffer an immediate dose of brain damage that gets progressively worse until they relocate in some neutral lead-shielded enclave like, say, Montana.  I think it's in the water.  No matter.  I've gone off book.  Instead of listing "2012's" short-comings, I'll simply direct you to the "user comments" and "goofs" pages of the IMDb where the site's contributors have majorly nailed most of them.  But I must confess, if you leave your brain at home, and despite its waaaaaay overlong 2 hours and 39 minutes, visually, "2012" will blow you freaking away.

Per any good USC film class, the story anchors in two places: the White House, where Danny Glover plays a sympathetic President Wilson; and through John Cusack, playing wannabe novelist/chauffeur Jackson Curtis, who somehow still manages to live in outrageously overpriced Manhattan Beach in West LA, despite the

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