by Joyce Good Henderson

Created on: December 14, 2009

Communicating with a difficult person in the workplace can produce stress, complaints and disagreements that mar effective functioning as a team. Disagreements between people are an inherent and normal part of life because each person has differences in perceptions, lifestyles, values, facts, motivations or procedures. However, disagreements can also be threatening when they arouse deep feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, grief, guilt, frustration or disappointment. A “difficult person” can turn disagreements into conflict which easily becomes a snowball rolling downhill.

 There are three ways to communicate with a difficult person in the workplace: 

1.  Do or say nothing and ignore the situation;

2.  Refute, argue or preach;

3.  Agree with the difficult person. 

 All three methods have pros and cons.  When you elect to ignore the situation, there is no reconciliation and no opportunity for growth of rapport between the persons.  The person who says or does nothing frequently internalizes unhealthy emotions that can produce stress and its detrimental effects on health. 

 However, this may be a valid approach when the other person is entrenched and has no desire to change or learn, or when you are vulnerable and your self esteem is already low.  When the disagreement is trivial and more important issues need to be handled, ignoring the problem may be a valid approach and frequently time will cure a minor problem.  Walking away from a situation may also be a valid final solution when other approaches have been tried and have failed. 

The refute/argue/preach method may produce anger in the difficult person, damaging the relationship, rapport and jeopardizing chances for growth or change.  But, this approach may be successful in a lecture situation, when you are not concerned about rapport or the relationship, or when the other person is disagreeing without having facts to support her position.  It is essential that you have high selfesteem, are wellprepared and have correct facts to back up your position.

Agreeing with the other person may look like the best approach, however, it also has its drawbacks.  There continues to be no opportunity for change or growth. You may internalize negative emotions which will cause you to question your beliefs and devalue your self-respect and self-esteem. This method may be beneficial when you are dealing with an explosive situation

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