by L. Merlino

Created on: December 14, 2009

The words "I love you" can make or break a romantic interest. Some potential partners like to keep guessing at where they stand with another. To say "I love you" too soon or too often can break the spell of allure.

It harkens back to the time of courtly manners, where ladies were instructed to keep their romantic prospects in suspense to fan the fires of love. Utterances of devotion spoken too soon were considered counterproductive to the lady's cause. Flirting was raised to the status of an art form, with many a knight or bard suffering of a broken heart, never quite knowing where he stood with the object of his affection. It was not really a fair game, but then again, love was likened to the art of war and - suffering or not - many a damsel became immortalized in the eyes of her suitors by playing the game of hard-to-get.

To wear one's heart on one's sleeve was a ploy only allowed to men.

Love seeks expression, probably more than any other force known to man or woman. To keep one's feelings under wrap, is indeed one of the worst kinds of pain. But, how great the penalty of speaking too much too soon!

Even in animal courtship, the female often feigns disinterest by running away at first. It appears that men love the chase - but do women love to be chased as much as their suitors adore it? I'm inclined to think not. It is a natural instinct for women to pour out their affections when they truly love another.

I made a great mistake by saying "I love you" too often and too soon to the only man who seemed completely right for me. Had I played coquette, I may still have retained his interest. The problem is that we were to have so little time together, I really wanted to make it count - to leave no question about my devotion. So, I broke some of the most strident rules of love: I said "I love you" openly and often. Acting so naturally was not a formula for holding his interest.

Between parents and children, or amongst siblings, "I love you" can never be said enough. The same is true between spouses and in all manner of family relationships. Of course, there is the matter of whether or not the words of love are honest and spoken from the heart, and actions often speak louder than words - but the words themselves can be a healing balm on the rugged road of life.

Why is it then that those three simple, yet profoundly meaningful words, can set the object of one's love running for cover? It is one of life's greatest paradoxes. I suppose that men and women differ greatly in what initially sets their hearts on fire. Men wish to be intrigued, while women prefer to be captured heart and soul. After enough cat and mouse games, a man may be ready to be assured of the lady's undying devotion - but heaven's forbid, not too soon!

As I write this, I hope I'm wrong.

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