by Sandy Barnes

Created on: December 13, 2009

It is hard to escape your past because your past is what has shaped your future for the better or worse.

If you live as a devout victim all your life then that is how people will treat you.  You have to give it up in order to succeed.  It is sort of like every now and then you meet up with someone who seems to be taking a class in creative suffering.  That was me!

For years in the mornings I would go into the devout victim mode, like why did my mother beat me?  Why was she so horribly strict when I was a teenager?  She ruined my childhood, I married the first man that asked me, just to get out and be free.  He was a nice man fortunately for me, but we were too young.

I carried on my drama against my mother in my thoughts every day, feeling this incredible heart pain day in and day out.  Especially at nights, I would wake up and go over the same scenario thinking of how my life could have been if she had not ruined it. 

They moved away and never came to visit me or their first grandchild, I cried a lot because I could not understand.  It seemed like the friends that I attracted loved to be in misery with me.  Sometimes it was like there was a competition as to who had it worse.

One morning I woke up the pain was still there.  I finally realized that I was the only one that was hurting.  My mother and father thought that I was crazy when many years later, I confronted them.

They denied everything even the time when my mother threw a fork at me and it stuck in my back. They did not remember that.  All I wanted was an apology.

Well that was it!  I decided to reinvent my life.  I played a new movie script, the star was me.  I never allowed myself to go back to that dark hole in my life.  I started writing in my journal and pretending that I had a pretty fabulous life and not look back to the past it was not going to change it.

It has been incredible the changes I have made in my life, from that day forward.  I am a successful self-made professional.  It took a lot of reading self help books and working on staying positive on a daily basis.  You really can create your life the way that you want it to be.  I am a perfect example.

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