by A Cooper

Created on: December 12, 2009   Last Updated: December 23, 2009

Telling those closest to you that you have cancer can be hard, but sharing your burden with others can help you as you undergo treatment.  Most people will seek out others quickly when faced with this kind of situation, however only you can decide when to tell your family members and friends about the diagnosis.  Saying aloud the words "I have cancer", is frightening, and somehow makes it more real than not talking about it, but facing your illness is an important first step in getting better. 

Some things to consider when deciding how to tell your family and friends are:

•They will likely experience the same emotions that you are dealing with.  It is important to know that your family and friends care about you and want to help, even if they don't know how.   Write down what would help you the most, and share the list with them.   Having help with the ordinary things in life, such as grocery shopping, running errands, doing laundry, house cleaning, etc. will help tremendously, especially on those days that your emotions and the treatments take hold of your strength.

•Letting others know about the cancer helps reduce the stress you are facing.  The sooner you tell your family and friends, the better.  Telling them face to face, if at all possible, is the best way.   According to Sheldon Cohen of Carnegie Mellon University, a "social support system", i.e. friends and family, "Eliminates or reduces effects of stressful experiences by promoting less threatening interpretations of adverse events and effective coping strategies."  www.psy.cmu.edu/~scohen/AmerPsycholpaper.pdf

•Be prepared for lots of questions, but don't feel that you have to know it all at once.  Talking to others will often lead to questions that you may not have asked your doctor.

After you have told those individuals you feel will be most supportive, it is important to do some things that will help you with your treatment:

ENLIST YOUR PARTNER'S HELP

If married, the first person you most likely will confide in is your spouse.  This can be difficult, but it is necessary since it is quite possible he or she will be your caregiver during treatments.  Having your spouse with you while undergoing treatment will allow them to "team up" with you in fighting your disease, which in turn empowers you by letting you know that you are not alone in this battle.

CONTINUE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE

The Mayo Clinic advises that

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