by Lenna Gonya

Created on: December 10, 2009   Last Updated: November 24, 2010

There are several factors, and time honored recipes for winning a Presidential debate. They involve appearance,  facial expressions,  vagueness, and a total lack of total commitment to any one doctrine that any voter might object too.

While preparing for the debate, the candidate should dress accordingly, and, conservatively, regardless of party line. Black, brown, or gray seems to be the best choices to inspire sincerity, and confidence.  Red or pink ties, for instance take something away from the complete seriousness of the situation, and, can be distracting.  

Prepare your expressions in advance. This can be done at home, in front of the bathroom mirror. Learn to smile, sincerely, and calmly. Learn to wrinkle your forehead with consternation and regard for questions asked that are truly important and crucial to the debate. But, above all, learn to roll your eyes, pucker your lips, and smile in derision at your opponents lame answers, and incomplete solutions to the problems posed by the narrator.

Use your voice in a condescending manner when disagreeing with your opponent, so that the audience can see that you are trying to bring the debate down a peg to their ridiculously childish level.  Always call the narrator by his or her first name, compliment their own accomplishments, mention their fame, or associates, and express deep and lasting gratitude for their services in the debate. Mention to the people that you are there to be honest and sincere and to answer any and all of their  questions with the highest degree of integrity.

Hedge difficult questions whenever possible, while still telling everyone what they want to hear. If you can, manage to get in both sides of opposing issues so that it will not be obvious which way you are leaning. Leave this to the voters to decide. Keep referring to your plan to make the country and the world a better place to live in. Assure everyone, whenever possible, that your opponent doesn’t have a clue about much of anything, but don’t overdo it. Be nice. Praise your opponent once in awhile. People love that.

Use body language. Stand straight and determined, but open your arms and hands once in awhile, as if to reach out to the people. Use an arm or hand to dismiss your opponent’s idea, or shrug your shoulders, and motion with your head toward them while they are speaking. Do not, under any circumstances, twirl your finger at your head and then point to them, or make devil horns behind their head when they are not looking.

Always end the debate with a healthy handshake for your opponent, a generous smile, and a big thank you for the narrator, the audience, your family, and everyone that ever lived, or, who are eligible to vote.

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