by Marcy Buzzelli

Created on: December 10, 2009

Everyone assumes that Santa’s elves are sweet and jolly like the old man himself, but that is definitely not true! How would you like to hear Christmas songs 365 days a year while you slave away in a toy shop for a guy who wears red suits and says, “Ho! Ho! Ho!’ ad infinitum?  No, Santa’s elves can be a bit testy as the eve of December 25 draws near and the man in charge starts to demand overtime shifts.

One of the main problems that the elves are facing in the 21st century are the toys kids are demanding be left under the tree.  Back in the good old days, the carpenter elves could spend time turning out creative wooden toys painted with bright primary colors for infants and toddlers to pull or push or build with.  However, ever since some genius in a cubicle decided that small kids must see more black and white toys, the poor elves get depressed with the monotony of the dull color scheme. Santa’s little carpenters long for buckets of fire engine red and sunshine yellow paints. 

Even though the carpenter elves are upset about the colors of modern toys, the poor elves in the scooter department are having an even more difficult struggle staying positive about the state of current toys. To the elves way of thinking, scooters are activated by human foot power, not intricate expensive motors and elaborate braking systems.   Although skinned knees were often the result of riding an elf-made scooter twenty years ago, emergency rooms and broken bones are often the result of today’s motorized scooter. This current state of affairs does not make Santa’s elves jolly.

The newest department in Santa’s workshop is also the home of the unhappiest elves of all.  These pitiful elves used to whistle while they worked on board games such as Candy Land, Monopoly, and Scrabble. They used to laugh about who could make the most hotels for Monopoly or turn out the most tiles for Scrabble. But the traditional game department has been scaled way back with many of the elves being forced, against their will, to transfer to the computer game department.  No whistling can be heard above the clicking sounds of new remote controls being assembled by annoyed elves. Harsh noises of computer mayhem reverberate from each elf cubicle.  Santa’s helpers are seriously thinking of going into another line of work even though their ancestors would be ashamed of them.

Although Santa’s “Ho! Ho! Ho!” is now only heard via an email or a text, it is still every bit as annoying to the elves.  Next time you see a picture of Santa’s workshop, look closely at the elves to see if their eyes are glazed over from looking at too many computer chips that generate violent on-screen action. An unhappy elf is not a productive elf!

Learn more about this author, Marcy Buzzelli.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.