by Joe Murray

Created on: December 09, 2009   Last Updated: December 10, 2009

This list of rules by no means has to be followed to the letter, but only should be thought of as suggestions, rather like the Hollywood "beats" of a romantic comedy.  Following all the rules to the letter just makes life itself dull and formulaic.  I suppose the first rule of writing is to follow your own style.  Otherwise, here's what works for me...

HOW TO WRITE YOUR CONGRESSPERSON, OR ANY OTHER GOVERNMENT POLITICO SHORT OF IDI AMIN

Be positive in tone.

Open optimistically.  Write the way you’d write your father, if your mother were opening his mail.

Then be straightforward.  If it's about a problem, say it.

You're giving him facts.  Your feeling about something is a fact to him.  So say what you feel.

If possible, only discuss other people's problems.  By pleading someone else's case, you'll be viewed as selfless.

If you present your own case, relate how someone else had the same trouble, and you'll be perceived as sincere.

Don't ask anything for yourself.  If he can help, he will.  But he's got hundreds of thousands of other people to consider. 

Anticipate his questions, and answer them.  This will give him some perspective as to what you're actually trying to say.

Provide a solution to a vexing problem.  He might not agree with you.  But to him you represent about 100,000 like opinions in the population.  And he may pass your letter on to someone else to read.

End with a one-sentence summary of what you think.

Counter it with a one-sentence summary of what you think your opposition would say.  Here you can crack a clever joke about it, to present the absurdity of the opposition's position.  This is the part of the letter they're liable to use in a speech because it's the last thing they read, and the first thing they'll remember.

Sign it.  Include your address in the letterhead and (optionally) your e-mail address under your signature. 

Unsigned letters are not read. 

The college girl screening the mail will give threatening letters to the police or secret service.

So don't say anything that could piss her off.

OTHER OBVIOUS DO'S AND DON'T'S

Protocol:  Remember to use the politician's proper title and salutation in the body of the letter.   "Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary" has a guide to correct titles on its last pages. 

If I write the president, I try not to refer to him personally, but

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