by Beth Mckinney

Created on: December 08, 2009

Parents and teachers share many goals, and when they work together to achieve them, children have a much better chance of succeeding. This may be hard for parents to remember when a child describes an incident where a teacher seems to have been cruel, unprofessional or wrong. However, parents can foster positive student-teacher relationships by listening empathetically when problems arise, allowing students to take responsibility for their actions, and showing respect, even in disagreement.

Listen to the Student

Students often feel their teachers don't listen to them. When parents seem to dismiss these concerns, the students often feel even more frustrated. Therefore, parents need to listen attentively while a child reports a problem in the classroom and ask questions that show concern. For example, if a student says, “The teacher is mean to me,” a parent might respond by saying, “Really? What happened?” instead of automatically adding reassurance that teachers only want to help students succeed.

Calmly asking reflective questions can help a child to tell more. This will give everyone time to determine the nature of the concern. Sometimes students do misinterpret a teacher's comment, but some teachers do make comments they shouldn't. Either way, reacting dismissively or emotionally will only interfere negatively with the student-teacher relationship.

Take Responsibility

“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders,” wrote Abigail Van Buren. This is a very important part of fostering student-teacher relationships. Parents may find it very difficult to believe their children would lie, skip an assignment or speak rudely to a teacher, but sometimes they do, even if they're usually “good.”

Again, parents do not need to make overwrought accusations but can calmly ask questions to find out more information. Teachers shouldn't yell at students who don't do homework. However, students should do required assignments. Before confronting a teacher, parents may also want to know how much work a student has missed.

Show Respect

Teachers deserve the same respect a civilized person would show to any professional. When parents speak to and about teachers in a polite tone, they model effective interaction and lay a positive foundation for future relationships with employers, colleagues and authorities. They also make it easier for the student and teacher to work together for the rest of the year.

This may be especially difficult if it turns out that the teacher has done something unprofessional, cruel or stupid. However, spewing verbal abuse, spreading rage or making threats will serve no one. Such actions may even make it less likely that the erring teacher will be counseled, disciplined or removed, and may lead to more problems at school.

While fostering a positive student-teacher relationship may not always be easy, caring parents can do their part. Listening calmly and attentively to the student's concerns is an important step. Encouraging students to take responsibility for their own actions and being willing to admit to them is another. In the end, maintaining respect for the teacher regardless of the circumstances may be the most important of all.

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