by Rachel Larson

Created on: December 08, 2009   Last Updated: December 09, 2009

As adults, we realize what bearing our parents actually have on us as people.  When a parent indicates to their child that they feel that he or she is a failure, the outcome can be devastating to the child's self-esteem and can greatly affect their ability to function happily as an adult.

A parent's job from day one is simply to nurture, support and influence their children.  Passing judgment and filling a child's head with thoughts that they have some how let you down, in my opinion, should be considered a form of abuse.

Of course, every good parent wants to see their child succeed, but should never indicate to the child that he or she has let them down in any way unless done so to teach them how to live better.

If a child is about to hurt himself and you as a parent correct the child in a loving way, he can sense that you are scolding because you care.  But what conclusion does a child come to when you scold him for not doing well "enough"?  And just whose idea of well enough should a child try to accommodate?  Yours? His? Society's? 

Safety and happiness should be the only goal set for our children.    Living well by one's own idea of what that is, should be the ultimate achievement in raising children.  In other words, we should concentrate on teaching our children how to be happy, not what would make us as parents happy.

I was lucky enough to have a mother who simply encouraged me to do my best.  If I studied hard for a test and still got a few  answers wrong, she understood.  If I was lazy and crammed and failed a test, she showed that she was disappointed.   But not because I should meet some national or social standard, but because she knew that I could do better and that I would have been happier with myself if I had.

But what standards are some parents setting for their children? 

When it comes to school work a child can only do as well as their mental capacity will allow.  With that being said, what else can a parent ask from a child?  For him to be popular? For him to make a lot of money? For him to be an excellent athlete?  None of that should matter.

As parents, we only have one job and that is to teach.  To teach children how to live safely and  to learn how to be happy, not to live up to anyone's, even our own expectations or ideas of what that is.

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