by Christine Costlow

Created on: December 08, 2009   Last Updated: December 09, 2009

So that girl who thinks you aren't good enough to date has decided that she wants to be your friend. Are you having trouble deciding whether to hang out with her, or let the relationship die a natural death? Here are a few points to consider.

She will probably still expect you to pay for things when the two of you go out together. Maybe not everything, but it will most likely not be an equally shared arrangement. She will also diminish your chance to meet a girl who will actually want to date you. Her presence will tell any quality women that you have a stable of "old friends" that can disrupt your present relationship at any time. News flash: most women don't like the ex-girlfriends hanging around, texting, calling, or visiting you at work. It tends to make us think that you're a player.

Your friends will wonder what's wrong with you. Any fights that you publicly aired will hang in the forefront of their minds. Why does he hang out with a girl who treated him so badly? they'll wonder. You'll also be privy to any relationships that she starts with your friends. Wouldn't you rather be able to pretend that their relationship behind your back has hurt your feelings? Who knows, the fact that your buddy is dating your ex might really turn out to be offensive to you. You can't complain if you were sitting there, watching it unfold, and said nothing.

Your relationship established patterns of behavior that you might want to change in the future. If every Friday night was Chinese takeout night, wouldn't you like to shake things up a bit? Continuing to do the things that you liked to do as a couple, will just create expectations of "couple style" behaviors. If you guys were good at this, wouldn't you still be dating? Do you want to continue to listen to her opinions on her family, job and fashion that bored you in the first place?  Remember, there's a girl out there for you. She doesn't act like this one, or you'd still be together. Why continue to behave as if this girl was an acceptable life companion?

Wait a minute, you say. I don't want to hang out with her every day. I just want to be able to pass her on the street without having to pretend that I was so absorbed in a shop window that I didn't even see her. That would be fine, but it needs to be explained right up front. Women often use the "friends" gambit when they aren't sure that she should've broken up with you in the first place. Sometimes, she will want you back if the present guy she broke up with you for, doesn't turn out to be Prince Charming. If you don't mind hanging out as Plan B, go ahead. Just know what you're getting into.

If you were the one who caused the breakup, ask yourself why she still wants the contact with you. Better yet, ask her. Sometimes, a psychological problem can lead to difficulty letting go. Far better to end it cleanly, than deal with hurt feelings, recriminations, or threatening behavior. If you aren't sure what you are dealing with, contact her family for insight. They may have been though this with her before.

Sometimes it is possible to be good friends with an ex girlfriend. This usually happens in a format where the two of you have a specialized hobby that not too many people participate in. If you can limit your contact to club events, or special occasions where other people are present, you are less likely to have problems. Take my advice, and move forward with your life. Get out there and make some new mistakes!

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