by Rosa Lee

Created on: December 08, 2009   Last Updated: April 16, 2010

If you've ever started shouting like a crazy person "for no reason" or found yourself in a situation you didn't want to be in, you have been the victim of manipulation. Manipulation is like a game. Granted, it's a sick game, but if you look at it this way, you remove yourself from the position of "victim" into one of power and choice. You are no longer a sad little puppet being operated by an associate or family member. You take control of how you act and react.

The first step in dealing with manipulation is to identify those around you who pull your strings. In a very real way, these people are your "enemy." They factually mean you harm, because they fear your potential or success. They need to make you feel smaller to lessen the threat they think your success is to them. They plot your failure and set it in motion through a multitude of tiny attacks, sometimes without even consciously knowing they are doing so. They undermine your self-confidence, warp your reality and even make you look or feel insane.

Finding these people isn't always easy. They are skilled at hiding in shadows and passing the buck. To narrow down the list of suspected manipulators, take a look at others in your social circles and make note of the ones that find themselves in perpetual conflicts, acting defensively or striking out against incorrect targets. Chances are, these people are victims just like you.

To unearth "the man behind the curtain," sit down for a candid one-on-one with those you've made note and find out who has been telling them that *you* were bad/wrong and who has been telling them that *they* are bad/wrong. Make sure to clarify what was said and who said it., and have a qualifier such as "in this family" or "at your workplace" to make sure the person keeps their answers limited to your social group. [1]

You will get a list of "who" people for each question. When you compile the list of the names you made, you will notice that one name keeps popping up. This is most likely your manipulator. You may be surprised to discover that sibling rivalry is actually Grandma telling you little half-truths about your brother and then whispering lies about you in your brother's ear.

The first response when discovering the identity of a manipulator is outrage. Let it pass. Fighting is part of their game. It keeps you hooked and your energy invested in them. You may want to cut off all contact. I suggest that this be a last resort if this is someone you have a lot of

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