by Dawn Rutt

Created on: December 07, 2009

I'd spent the last hour trying to get my difficult one year old to take a nap. Finally, finally his eyes fall shut and I slowly, carefully lay him down. And blessedly, his eyes stay closed. I tip toe away, just as my five year old slams a toy down on the table, angry because I won't get the playdoh out right that second.

And the baby starts screaming. Oh...

I want to cry and scream and shout obscenities. I want to fall on the floor and kick and scream and hold my breath. My first impulse is to grab the TV remote, which is the closest thing to me, and slam it down on the table, in echo of my son's anger, or throw it across the room. But I don't. Which speaks volumes. Several weeks ago, I would have. Several weeks ago, I was in the midst of one of the worst depressive episodes I've had in my life and that extreme irritability was just one of many symptoms. The little incident this morning made me realize that I am, indeed, coming out of it. While I'm still quite a ways from completely digging myself out of that pit, I can see the light and I must be at least three quarters of the way out. There is hope. And knowing that I am once again gaining control makes me breath a bit easier.

Browsing through a lot of the mom blogs, I've discovered that there really aren't that many that deal with parenting with depression. Maybe that speaks volumes about the illness itself. Maybe it's the topic. I know that reading about depression can be...well, depressing. I know that all three hits on my blog probably read depression in the description, rolled their eyes and clicked on through. I know that even in this day and age with all the scientific evidence and explanations of how depression affects the brain, there are many out there that still doubt its existence. Goggling depression brings up tons and tons of interesting information on the diagnosis, but if any of you are like me, you've probably become more comfortable with animated features than real life and while unfortunately there is not a talking mouse or any singing, here's an interesting animation that shows how depression effects the brain:http://www.depression.com/depression_animation.html

You're depressed? Oh, snap out of it.

I've hear that and it doesn't work that way. Many of those who have never dealt with any kind ofmental disorder are reluctant to see depression as an illness. But it is. It's not viral, but it can absolutely be fatal. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 90% of suicides were

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