by Sandra Gillhouse

Created on: December 07, 2009

Let's be honest here. Being born with hereditary deaf genes, from my father's side of the family has limited some choices about the direction of my life. Sure I could do most every human thing possible except hear. I learned to walk, ride a bike, talk, and even read with the aid of tutoring and phonics. I do not consider myself handicapped, but I've often noticed that hearing is a mighty big key opening the doors that lead to the American dream. I mean wealth of course. I suppose as the saying goes I am only limited by my take on things. So I shall try to purge the perspective and look for the happily ever after.

Basically my biggest obstacle is that I'm wholly exhausted from the daily efforts. I must always find a place to stand with lights angled right, so I can see speaking lips. I must always choose programs with close caption-and not as easy as you would think even with today's technology-I have to remember constantly that there are other sounds in the environment, not just my scratchy voice, so I can adjust the volume appropriately, whatever that is. I get most news in my own family second hand, and that frequently means I have to fill in the gaps. Trust me, not always a good thing to do. If you are wondering why in the world haven't I gotten more technical help. Well frankly I am not a candidate for Cochlear ear implants-which even if I should be seem a bit invasive to me. Screwed into my skull as it would be-so what about hearing aids?

"I'm sorry but hearing aids won't help you hear," so says my ENT doc, even the amazing digital wonders of today-if I could afford the things-won't really solve my problems, simply because I've trained my brain to a whole different set of day-to-day survival skills. I watch people, I imitate what I see others do and usually just figure life out with my eyes. One might wonder why I don't ask people for help rather than work so hard at life and my answer would be, time. I simply don't have time to teach everyone I meet in a day about deafness. It's too complex.

Oddly too, the few times I have told a stranger that I am deaf I've gotten the deer-in-headlights look followed by an awkward attempt to fingerspell or sign. Both of which I am not fluent in whatsoever. Having been raised in a polite society where one does not belittle the attempts I always nod and humor them. After all people are lined up behind me now... staring.

Okay I admit that I sound a bit bitter. I want you to understand though, it's not the being deaf that bothers me so much, it's the tiring deaf life. Ideally I would love to live in world where technology has caught up with the deaf needs. Leveling our world with yours so we can all meet in the middle and "gulp,' maybe even help each other get rich. Tools like a pocket voice recognition recorder, which would feed real time caption word for word in any conversation so I can participate and communicate easier. Caption for internet video at the click of a mouse and synchronized music fibrillations that would allow me to feel the music coming from any speaker so I can dance. Did I mention that I love to dance? Finally if ever a hearing aid should suit my needs that it would be within my financial grasp to have one.

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