by Dennis Turco

Created on: December 07, 2009   Last Updated: December 08, 2009

Putting up the Christmas lights

OK. So, now that I've waited until the second week of December to install our outdoor Christmas lights, I have no choice but to tackle the job in the rain. I knew I should have been out on the ladder on Thanksgiving Day instead of stuffing the turkey (me) with food and beer.

When we first considered moving to Pepperwood Street I thought the homeowner's association contract sounded great. No large trucks, motor homes, junked cars, etc. parked on the street, no loud or obnoxious activities, and yards must be neatly maintained, etc. Oh, did I mention Christmas lighting? Well, since Christmas is a religious holiday not celebrated by everyone, the Christmas light requirement clause (no, not the Santa-type Claus) was left out of the agreement we signed stating basically that we would behave ourselves while we lived on Pepperwood. It's just that EVERYBODY on Pepperwood Street adorns their homes (yes...inside and out) and yards with beautiful Christmas lights. It's a neighborhood tradition. This is done to impress the commoners who, in an endless stream of cars, parade up and down the street. I call them "commoners" because they have the common sense to drive around and look at everyone else's lights, thereby avoiding the frustration of installing their own. You can almost hear the "oohs" and "ahhs" as these cretins, who have nothing better to do, cruise by. You would think they were watching the Disneyland Electric Light Parade for crying out loud! Actually, It's kind of fun, and since Pepperwood has no street lights it's the one time of year when you can look out your window at night and see across the street.

Anyway, did I mention that I was going to be installing the lights in the rain? Speaking of rain, we've received over 9 inches of rain in the past 6 days. The local river is about to burst its banks, lots of mudslides too.

Our Einstein of the Year Award goes to ...ME! I'm going to spend no less than 7 hours on a ladder with 350 feet of electrical cords and lights, extension cords, plug adapters, horseshoe nails, and a hammer, IN THE BIGGEST RAINSTORM TO HIT OREGON WITHIN THE LAST DECADE!

The most amazing thing about strands of Christmas lights is how much they can shrink after being bundled up and stored (wet) in the garage for a year. I discovered this last year when I attempted to install the lights on the same horseshoe nails - all 1,372 of them - I hammered into the eaves the year before last. Keep in mind that I don't "drape"

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