by Jenny Tan

Created on: December 04, 2009

You found him! He is wonderful, caring, attentive and understands you better than anyone you know.

The only glitch is that you are miles or even continents apart from each other. This could be due to the jobs your hold, family obligations or external circumstances which you are unable to change at the present moment.

How do you cope without losing your sanity? My husband and I had a long distance relationship for about 2 years before we were married. I was a wreck. Although I was in a relationship, it was one of the loneliest times in my life. I couldn't just pick up the phone to speak to him due to the time differences in where we lived. I would be going to bed just as he was waking up to go to work. He wasn't physically with me so we couldn't do the things that ordinary dating couples could like have a meal together, go watch a movie or just sit down and chat.

Looking back, I could have handled that phase of my life better. Things always seem easier when you look back in hindsight. Here's what I wished I knew then!

1. Trust

All forms of relationships are based on trust. A long distance relationship is actually the perfect setting for a couple to build their foundation of trust in each other. As the two of you are not physically together, you have to trust what he tells you. It takes a lot of self control not to check his Facebook profile every 5 minutes to see if he has posted anything new or to investigate the friends he has there. If at a later stage, you find out that he is not trustworthy, painful as it is, it's for the better as you wouldn't want to have a long term relationship with someone who cheats and lies to you.

2. Communication

How do you trust someone? It all boils down to open, clear and honest communication with no ulterior motives. When you are not physically together, you are not distracted by the things around you. The time you have on the telephone, video call or online is precious. You are more focussed. You listen intently to him and he reciprocates it. You connect with him when he recollects the events of his busy day. I personally found that my husband and I communicated better when we were apart than when we were physically together, simply because we knew that our time to connect was limited and we were more committed to talk things through.

3. Gratitude

When you don't get to see the person you love that often, you are more grateful when you eventually get together. It's true that absence does make the heart grow fonder. I realised that we didn't let the petty things get in our way and our time together. We focussed on what really mattered and enjoyed each other's company. Long distance relationships help put things into perspective. We often lose sight of how important our loved ones are when they are with us all the time.

4. Discovery

Don't let the opportunity to discover who you really slip past you. This often happens at the early stage of any relationship. All you want to do is spend every waking second with him. You neglect the time spent with your family and friends. You no longer make the effort to pursue your own personal interests and hobbies if he is not interested in the same things as you are. A long distance relationship allows you to have time for yourself, to explore who you really are and to be at peace with yourself. Looking at the positive side of things, you know that you have someone who loves you very much and yet, you are still able to be independent and live your life to its fullest potential.

In summary, enjoy this special phase in your life and use this unique opportunity to develop a stronger relationship with each other. Relax, breathe easy and make plans for his next visit or your next trip to see him!

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