by Olivia Emisar

Created on: December 04, 2009

Emotional cheating is very real and fairly common, but most people don't realize it right away because there are other things going on in the relationship that are taking up a lot of room and time. Emotional cheating is not just fantasizing about a different partner during intimate moments, or creating scenarios where we are involved with an attractive co-worker of movie star, emotional cheating is the first step in distancing one self from a relationship that is less than satisfactory while we are still involved in a committed relationship.

Emotional cheating is done gradually and quite often, without any real malice or intent to hurt our current partners, it just happens on unguarded moments, when someone else offers to listen to us, or sympathize about things that matter to us, but are of little interest to our partners, or we are afraid of our partner's reactions.

*What is emotional cheating?

Putting it simply, emotional cheating is shutting out our partners from what makes a relationship personal and intimate; Either having someone else (flesh and bones) taking over that part of our lives, or creating a relationship on cyberspace that fulfills our most pressing emotional needs. This emotional detachment does not happen over night, it is a process created by the developing dynamics of our relationships. It could start innocently with a co-worker or a good friend or in a chat room with a specific and regular stranger who maybe in a similar position and stage in their relationship.

*How does it happen?

Emotional cheating happens when we create a wall that isolates our partners from our most private and personal thoughts and invite others, long time acquaintances, friends, or cyber strangers to share things that previously, was the sole domain occupied by us and our partners.

When people don't want to disrupt the status quo of their current relationship due to financial considerations or perceived need to remain a relationship, but need an emotional outlet in which they can be themselves, they will find someone to fulfill that role.

*Is it wrong to have emotional affairs?

In a nutshell: Yes! Because it feels wrong, it is kept secret and the participants know that it would hurt their partners. There is very little difference between a physical affair and an emotional one when it comes to the repercussions after it is found out. The dynamics of secrecy and shutting our partners out are almost identical, the only thing that is absent, is the physical intimacy

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