by Jane Kay

Created on: December 03, 2009   Last Updated: December 04, 2009

I know plenty of people who date the exactly same "type" of man, over and over again. What makes them think the same man, different time would make a difference, I have no idea.

So then, you'd think I do it a different way, right? I do! I seem to date two "types" and I go back and forth between those two extremes. Brilliant, I tell you. (Feel the sarcasm.)

One type of man I date is the kind my heart is attracted to instantly. It has nothing to do with what I see, or what I hear him saying - it has something to do with a gravitational pull that is near impossible to resist, and I'm not referring only to chemistry. It's completely being drawn to someone even when you do not consciously want it.

The other type of man I date is the kind my head zones into, and I have to consciously pick this man due to realizing, based on the last relationship, that following my heart got me nowhere - rapidly.

Let's face it: that's just as pathetic as dating one type again and again. I just add a little bit of pizzazz to it, that's all.

So why do we do this?

Based on years of thought and pondering, I've come to the conclusion (tentatively) that what a person's heart wants is what we know and understand. It can be based on our past; the way we grew up, or your mother if you're a man, your father if you're a girl. Or perhaps you had no active father while you grew up - that could mess you up too. The heart attempts to work out issues by replaying them in real life and hoping that with the same characters, we can bring about a better outcome than we originally had, with whoever it was that our issues began.

But the heart is not the thinking organ, so in all of our infinite wisdom, we opt to follow our brains and ignore the heart, right?

Right.

The problem with this method is clear. A good relationship is not based on thoughts; it's based on action and feelings - namely love. It's not our brain that loves. Our brain makes sense of things; if love always followed sense, we would not be having this discussion right now, would we?

But since our heart led us wrong, we will often consciously ignore the heart to follow what makes sense. This is where we, subconsciously, begin to perform a risk analysis in our minds, and compute the pros and cons of starting a certain relationship. This is the type of relationship that all of your friends tell you that you're insane to hesitate, yet you just don't "feel it". This is the relationship that is sensible - and safe. Your heart can't break, not

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