by Eve Tierney

Created on: December 03, 2009

Thinking about ending your relationship? Having a hard time deciding if it's the right thing to do? While some breakups come with a sense of inner calm, of knowing one is making the best decision for oneself and all involved, others come with a sense of dread and confusion-a feeling of being damned whatever one does. Some relationships limp on well past their shelf life, and others are so complicated and intertwined we can't tell where one life begins and another ends. Below are some signs that it may be time to let go of your relationship, no matter how long-or how complex.

Love, not like

Many people start relationships based on initial, often powerful, attraction, only to discover that when love has bloomed, like has not. This is a special pain that is hard to articulate, and it's often accompanied by feelings of guilt and self-doubt. Simply put, it feels petty not to like someone, especially someone we're supposed to love! When we like someone, we feel good about who they are and who we are when we're around them. This seems so basic and simple that it's amazing how many love relationships exist without this vital ingredient. If we aren't proud of what our partner stands for, do not appreciate the way our partner treats others, and would not consider our partner as friend material were we not involved, let's not beat ourselves up about it. Just as we can't always like our relatives (who we often love), we can't always like everyone we're involved with. Unlike relatives, however, we can choose our partner, and prolonging an intimate relationship with someone we don't like only punishes us in the end.

Not stagnant, flat lining

Relationships have their own ebb and flow. Sometimes our relationships might get a little boring, but that doesn't mean it's time to end things. Stagnation can be cured by vacations, intimacy, bonding, or discovering new things about one another or together. If love, friendship, respect and harmony is there, a lull can be healthy. However, relationship death has its own patterns. Indications include: Abhorrence of physical or emotional intimacy with partner, especially if contrasted by welcome intimacy with others; a feeling of disgust, contempt, or irritation with partner, highlighted by feelings of being doomed; a sense of no future with partner, just the present, which is OK at times...but we're sure we could do better with almost anyone given the chance; inability to get along, even for an afternoon, or inability to enjoy one another

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