by Jeremy Patton

Created on: December 02, 2009

Laundry is one of the few chores that I don't mind doing. It's not fun but it's not excessively time-consuming if you're willing to take shortcuts like a true bachelor.

PRE-SORTING

Buy a three-bin hamper and assign the first bin for white clothes, the second for black and the third for colors. When you get home from work, strip in the laundry room and toss your garments in the appropriate bins. When you do the laundry, the sorting will already be finished.

Sorting is important because washing bright colors with whites, for example, might turn your underwear pink. Discard these abominations immediately and don't tell your mother.

WASHING

Washing is the easiest step. When one of your bins is full, dump it out and empty all pockets, zip zippers and tie strings so they don't get entangled and stretched out during the wash cycle.

Pile the load into the washer and distribute the clothes evenly. Leave the washer lid open and start the cycle. As water fills the chamber, pour in a cap full of detergent. Close the lid and go play video games.

I always do laundry with cold water to cut energy costs. I don't think that warm water gets the clothes any cleaner.

Don't get lazy and leave wet loads in the washer for more than a day. The load will go sour, emanating a foul smell. You'll have to wash the load all over again.

DRYING

Do two things before you put your clean clothes in the dryer: 1. Insert an anti-static sheet. 2. Empty the lint tray. If you don't regularly empty the lint tray, fuzz will build-up, damage your dryer and even catch it on fire. That would be an awesome spectacle to witness, but you don't want to buy another expensive appliance.

Stuff your load into the dryer and set it on high heat for at least an hour. Go finish your video game. If you're worried about shrinking your threads, buy everything a size too large. Over time your clothes will shrink anyway.

POST-SORTING

Post-sorting is the most time consuming step in doing laundry, but there are many shortcuts.

I have a bad habit of leaving loads wadded up in the dryer and scavenging every morning for what I want to wear. This saves time but it wrinkles all my attire and makes me look like a bum. Here are some fast methods for sorting and putting everything away.

Socks: Sort socks into a pile and stuff them in a drawer that is designated for socks. Worry about reuniting their lost companions later. If they get wrinkled, who cares? They're just socks.

Underwear: Do the same procedure. As long as they're clean, wrinkles shouldn't be a concern. No one sees them anyway (sigh).

T-shirts: Folding t-shirts is a momentous waste of time. Instead, neatly lay them over the back of a chair in your laundry room, one on top of the other. It's easy to flip through them every morning and make your selections.

Pants: Put pants on hangers and hang them all in your closet.

Dress shirts: Do the same procedure. Fasten the top button so they don't slip off the hangers.

Follow these sorting procedures and you'll never have to use an iron, ever. I don't even own an iron.

That's how a bachelor does laundry. It's not theoretical physics. You've probably thought of many of these shortcuts yourself. If not, you're welcome.

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