by Joe Owens

Created on: December 01, 2009   Last Updated: December 02, 2009

Allowing the past to control your present or future is something many of us can testify to as we try to navigate the course of our life while avoiding the reminders of past failure or missed opportunities. If you look at the definition of 'past,' it basically says that it is something out of our hands to affect. We cannot change it, nor revisit it, so basically it is an intangible entity. Yet we will spend copious amounts of time mired in guilt, remorse or longing to reach back somehow and right perceived wrongs or worse, allow those wrongs or missed opportunities to handcuff us in our present and future activities.

There are many ways people allow the past to control their life. For one it may be a wrong choice in a relationship. Or perhaps a pregnancy that was ended by means of physical intervention. At the moment of the decision the full range of options may have seen so limited that good choices just were not visible. Days, months, or years down the road these choices can provide a great source of trouble for those unable to deal with their past mistakes.

I used to allow what I considered a lack of nurturing by my father to affect my life in profound ways. It is only with time, the love and patience of my wife to illuminate this issue and the experience of raising my own children that I found a way to overcome this roadblock to my happiness. My father was not abusive in any way to me, I just never felt like he encouraged me as much as he could have. He certainly set a good moral example for me in dealing with our family, friends and all people in official capacities. Regardless of this, though, the perceived lack of nurturing that I deserved burdened me until long after he died.

It is interesting how I can now look back at that with words to offer on this topic for this article. Basically, it comes to a point where you have to accept that the past is something untouchable and no amount of longing or replaying the scenarios of how things might have been can ever change it. No one, over the breadth of time, has ever done anything to correct their burdensome history and no one ever will.

So why is it that there are those who continue to try? Pride is one powerful motivator. For some there is no ability to humble themselves any further than how they have been already by people or situations from yesterdays past. Stubbornness is another pitfall of those with the inability to escape past experiences. Then there are some who are comfortable in their misery. It sounds horrible to imagine that is true but we all have people in our lives that seem unwilling to stretch themselves to the point of escaping this personality plague to live in a positive light.

When you step into that positive light, however, you see that the dark was much worse than you realized. The freedom is such a wonderful change that you wish you had stretched for it much sooner. The past should be just something to hold your fondest memories, for the others can only pull you closer to the darkness that will hinder you every day of your life.

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