by Lisa Beach

Created on: November 28, 2009

Just as there are numerous types of cancers, there are numerous ways to handle dealing with the side effects - that's one way of looking at it: what it really boils to are the same five stages all cancer patients go through, the first being Denial.

No one wants to be told s/he has cancer. No one wants to be a martyr or a victim: we all just want to go home, and resume a normal life. It's not what one thinks of as a side effect per se, but at this point [being diagnosed]; there is no "normal" to go back to. I went through all the same emotional issues all cancer patients go through. The Anger and Guilt, plus the Acceptance phases jumped me when I wasn't looking. Denial? There was nothing to deny: I was already in Stage 4.

And yes, there are numerous side effects of having the cancer diagnosis. None of them are do-able until they are thrust upon a patient; at that point, they get dealt with because there is no other choice. Learning how and what to deal with can be like standing on the edge of a cliff - those whose doctors have been honest as to what to expect will have the tools to maneuver down the cliff safely; those whose doctors only hinted at the truth must pray the wind doesn't take them.

Chemotherapy is notorious for its grimy side-effects; especially the first time a patient gets therapy. One will have to deal with nausea and vomiting, because the chemo drugs throw the patient's bodily systems into turmoil. To help handle these and other on-going effects, staying informed helps keep an intelligent dialog open between patient and doctor.

Information helps patient and doctor understand one another. And knowledge lessens fear. The fear of dying, of disappointing one's friends and family, of no longer being in control of one's own life... the list is endless. It also helps pull the meshed net of feeling guilt, anger, and denial apart.

For instance, if at some point a patient feels fatigued, tired, and fall-down sleepy, knowing these are common side effects of chemo makes it easier for a patient: if s/he sleeps all day, that's not his/her fault. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I have been through it all.

I started out feeling guilty for not being able to make the side effects go away, but eventually I just gave my husband brochures on side-effects, etc., and let him talk to friends about it. My family was very supportive of the hard time I still have, come to see me every once in a while, and leave after a small visit if I'm feeling weak. Having a loving support system makes handling the side effects much easier.

I know there is a huge long list of effects like hair loss and such, which is easy to say if one isn't in today's strong chemo drugs world. Handling how they make one feel on a daily basis is all together different from regular life.

THE best way to handle the side effect's emotional side is to take things one step at a time - and to accept compliments, flowers and cards graciously. They will cheer you up when no one's around. [I still have the card my little nephew gave me 2 years ago.]

And lastly, one should put her/himself in Faith's hands; thank God every day s/he is alive, and realize that whatever is out of one's control is not worth worrying over. Why worry about what will never change? That's my mantra, and it serves me well - it's a great stress valve.

Anyway, the best way for you, me, or any cancer patient for handling the side effects is to know they are common, not all of them happen to everyone, and that one must stay strong in his/her effort to be a decent soul, vibrant and strong upon this earth.

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