by Georgia Stewart

Created on: November 27, 2009   Last Updated: November 28, 2009

All human beings emerge from the womb extremely alike, as in small, annoyed and loud. As we grow into infants, we get larger, more annoyed and louder. This generally continues into the teenage years when we become almost unbearably big, psychotic and deafening. Thus far, there isn't a particularly noticeable difference between the sexes (we all play with dolls, prefer fast food and are experts at conning our parents out of money for mobile phones and computer games).

That is until girls begin to do better at school than boys. This is quite a mystery until we learn that girls mature faster than boys. Perhaps girls attempt to speed through childhood, exams and qualifications because they sense that they have a lot more to fit into their future lives than boys? Or maybe it's because boys are busy exerting their masculinity over the other boys in the playgrounds in order to get the girls (which they'll spend the majority of the rest of their lives trying to do while the girls are busy bringing up the human race).

Girls are not only forced to grow up faster, nurture the human race and ensure that the boys are well fed, have a clean pair of jeans, and are cheerful, they also have to live longer! Is this perhaps because girls are the ones who have to clear up the mess left behind when the boys have finished playing with their toys? Those rusty submarines are so hard to clean!

Nevertheless, the boys must deal with high expectations from parents and society in general. They are made to feel that they must find, win and hook the best looking girls, they should make enough money to drive the fastest cars or motorbikes, and if they're up to it be the first to travel to mars and invent more superior weapon of mass destruction than the boys next door. They have a lot to live up to.

We must give credit to boys, because they come in extremely useful at times, especially when broken washing machines need moving or a wobbly shelf needs fixing. They aren't equipped with the best listening skills though. This is due to the fact that they are only able to think one thought at a time. In other words if they are already thinking of their favorite sport, the girl from the bar or what's for supper there isn't a great deal of point in attempting to communicate with them.

Procreation's much harder for the male sex than for their female counterparts, especially birth, after all they're the ones that either pass out or would like to but have their images to protect. They're the ones who have to listen to all the screaming and cursing and having their hands crushed by the inconsiderate new mothers in progress. Some exceptional males even have birth pains out of sympathy, except that when they're the ones who get the painkillers it's not always appreciated by the yelling mothers.

Boys have extremely difficult lives and they deserve credit for all of their hard won, useful contributions to society; I'm trying to think of one. No, it's escaped me but I'm certain that there are many.

To conclude I'll ask a question: Have you noticed that I haven't stated which gender is superior? The simplest answer to that is that I'm being as diplomatic as I can under the circumstances.

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