by Lawrence George

Created on: November 26, 2009   Last Updated: September 09, 2010

Sexiness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Unlike beauty, it is raw and powerful, acting on impulses we find hard to control or even understand. The priority we give to sexual attraction has found its way into general vocabulary, with cars, food and even football occasionally described as "sexy" - so it has become a sort of synonym for "attractive" or "delightful".

But it's not. It's a stimulation of urges. Most men will find the same physical attributes in a woman sexy - boobs, bum, make up, heels. Men differ as to what they prefer, of course. Some men will prefer lots of flesh on display, others are more aroused by the thought of what lies beneath.  In the main, curves are sexy in a woman, because they are mysterious to a man: they suggest things that drive him wild. Clothing that accentuates those curves, giving hints and guesses of what lies beneath, is very sexy indeed. It is far sexier to guess than to know for certain, because there is nothing more to learn. And on a woman you know very well, such as a partner (of course), different clothes re-create this effect: that is why a new skirt or new jeans or a new top are always sexy because they re-start the whole guessing game of her body.

You can't deny that men, being visual creatures, find women's bodies sexy. But there is so much more to sexiness than that.

Sexiness, the stimulating element of a woman in a man's (or another woman's) mind, is more complex than this. For example, some men are definitely threatened by intelligence in a woman. Others find intelligent women incredibly sexy. There is nothing better than learning from someone, and learning from someone you have some sexual tension with is wonderful. Arguing the toss over politics, religion and sport is a pleasure for many of us. Normally it's a kind of intellectual cut and thrust, a sort of battle. Arguing with a woman you like is immensely sexy. You lock minds instead of bodies, but the result can be the same! And, of course, sharing your favourite books, reading to each other, even writing together - perhaps these are romantic rather than sexual, but they all contribute to wanting a woman more and more. Allowing her to dominate your sexuality - the very definition of sexy.

By the same token, laughter is a great way of bonding, whether as a family, between friends, or between lovers. Sharing a joke, or a humorous conversation which escalates into free and open hilarity is how we learn to be comfortable with people. Between

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