by Elizabeth Hug

Created on: November 26, 2009   Last Updated: December 02, 2009

Top ten great things about being pregnant :

1. The underwear. Although I never cease to be amazed by the size of my pregnant belly, I am even more amazed at the size of my enormous maternity underwear. They could be used in the event of an airplane crash as parachutes. Just looking at them makes me laugh out loud. They are huge. For some reason they seem bigger than all other maternity clothes that fit over the top of them. it makes no sense, but there you have it.

2. Ability to unabashedly consume large portions of ice cream in public without ever being chastised by onlookers. In fact, they usually say something courteous like, "You have to eat for two now." while smiling at you sympathetically.

3. Not having to move stuff. "Oh honey, could you carry these 72 baskets of laundry up the stairs for me? You know I would have done it myself this afternoon if my back wasn't bothering me so much." Plus you are automatically exempt from helping anyone who may be getting a new apartment.

4. Having something to talk about. A giant belly (apparently only when it contains a growing human) is an instant conversation starter. All sorts of people who would have found you completely uninteresting months before suddenly stop and smile and want to talk to you about your upcoming event.

5. Being genuinely fat and yet having everyone tell you that you are not. It is obvious if one has gained 50lbs and the baby weighs less than 10lbs, that there are some extra unaccounted for pounds floating around. However, it is known in our society that this extra weight is purely sacrificial weight being carried for the privilege of sustaining our species. So that is why when a pregnant woman goes around declaring how large she feels, everyone will reply, "It's all baby" (let's hope not!) or "You don't look that big." It is a small lie that is necessary for the continuation of humanity.

6. Going to water aerobics. First of all, the instructors say you can get just as good of a workout here as anywhere else. That may be true. However most of the people I have met at water aerobics are kind, friendly and either overweight, elderly, ill, or pregnant. It is a lot of fun a great workout for a pregnant woman - I just don't think it is going to cut it to help me get rid of those 50 aforementioned pounds. To do that I will have to subject myself to abuse in some class like "body conditioning" and it will have to be on land so the instructor will see if I am only doing half of the exercise and publicly

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