by Hanna M. Jagow

Created on: November 25, 2009

Resolutions, especially those born in a fog of celebration and optimism, can be impossible to keep. We all want to change the world for the better, but the task is formidable. As a therapist who has been trained to hone in on doable and necessary goals for clients, there are elements that may help create the changes you desire. Impossible tasks are a function of all or nothing thinking, and not being kind to yourself.

First, keep the list short. Make two or three goals on things you find important. This process can take some time, deep thinking, and a sorting of priorities. A good way to visualize success is to create a picture, either in your mind or on paper. What would it look like? How would you feel if it were done? How would significant people in your life feel? Are you doing this for you, or for somebody else? If you are not a visual person, make a list on paper.

Many people find a cost/benefit list can be helpful in identifying priorities. For a major issue, draw a line down the center of a piece of paper, put the costs on one side, the benefits on the other. Then weight each entry on a scale of 1 to 10. Add the columns and you might be amazed at how suddenly the obvious appears. It is best to do this when you are rested, clear-thinking, and as quickly as possible so that you will be more likely to access right brain wisdom. Sometimes analyzing things too much muddies the issue. Put the list away for a week, then go over it again and make any changes that feel right. Now you have a tool to work from.

Another trick a therapist might use to help you find priorities is to imagine a person just like you. That person needs help and has asked you for input into the process. What advice would you give? It is often easier to see things from a bit of distance. If it feels like a mind game, which it sort of is, let it go.

Second, break down your two to three major goals into steps, and if you can, give them target dates. When a target date is met, reward yourself in some way that is personal to you. It does not have to be public; in fact, a private reward for an accomplishment can have you smiling and your friends wondering what you have been up to. The habit of rewarding yourself is worthy of being a primary goal in itself, spurring you on in face of obstacles, motivating you to creative problem-solving, and lifting your mood.

Ask a person whose upbeat attitude you admire, and it is likely you will find they know how to pat themselves on the back. It's important

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