by Thomas Smith

Created on: November 24, 2009

Caring for a dead turkey

This may come as a surprise all pet lovers - dead turkeys do not make good pets.

Did you know that a dead turkey requires more care than a living cat and almost as much care as a living dog? Cats are pretty good at almost any temperature that people are OK with - whereas dogs are a little more touchy. Dogs seem to do better when it's cooler. When it's hot, dogs can get Tired Tongue Syndrome (TTS)- there's a pill for that - and the panting can especially be annoying when you're trying to watch something on TV. So, if you're rich -or smart - have air conditioning installed. That way, both you and the dog will be more comfortable. Cats seem to be comfortable regardless, so they're cheaper to maintain. You can have cats even if you're too poor for AC. I'm very familiar with cats -I've been an observer of cats for years and I can tell you that they spend most of their lives sleeping on something soft - in someplace warm.

This brings me to the dead turkey. Did you know that the most popular kind of dead turkey is a frozen dead turkey? Statistics prove this, but I don't have those at hand right now - if you're really interested you can google it. Anyway, dead turkeys are really quite a lot more trouble than a living cat or dog; turkeys require a lot more fuss.

Consider this: Did you know that a frozen dead turkey can quickly become a semi-frozen deadly turkey if you're not careful? According to the USDA a frozen dead turkey "left thawing on the counter more than 2 hours is not at a safe temperature..." Even though the dead turkey may still seem frozen, says the USDA, the outer skin of the dead creature "is in the "Danger Zone" between 40 and 140 F at a temperature where foodborne bacteria multiply rapidly. "

Dead turkeys require a lot more fussing than I thought. Cats are quite comfortable and safe between 40 and 140 F. Dogs? They're pretty comfy between 40 and 80 F. Anything hotter than that is hard on the tongue.Dead turkeys start to become lumpy biohazards at 40 F. This is something you need to consider carefully unless you live in an igloo, own a Haz-Mat suit, or plan on feeding it to your in-laws. I'm just kidding about your in-laws.

While cats and dogs can pretty much be kept wherever you have room for them - turkeys? Not so much. If you're thinking you'll just throw your dead turkey in the trunk and forget it, don't do it. I am warning you and I'm serious about this. Here's what the USDA says, and I'm not making this up: "Frozen turkeys should

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