by April Wilson

Created on: November 24, 2009

With the advent of the internet, what is considered "cheating" has expanded in many people's minds to include far more than it did at any other time in human history. But the question you should ask yourself is... is a thought really a crime? Can a partner really be fully mentally/emotionally faithful for all time without flirting with another or fantasizing about another? I'm not sure that's really possible, especially the longer a couple is involved together.

Human beings weren't built for monogamy. It's a social structure we force ourselves into due to the fear of being left or in constant competition with others for the same person. Monogamy is a sacrifice we make to live what we feel are ultimately more stable and happy lives with a partner. Pushing this further beyond the limit to include online behavior is taking things too far.

Online chatting is merely talking. You aren't touching them, they aren't touching you. In the context of this discussion we're talking about online chatting itself, like instant messaging, so unless you go out of your way for it, there is no voice connection, and there is no visual connection either. There is no nudity shared between you. It's words on a screen.

Sure, emotions can at times come with those words, but they are still words. Can an affair truly happen between HotRod94 and StillACuteChick if it only ever stays in cyberspace? I'm inclined to think not. For all you know the person on the other side of the screen is 700 pounds. Or not even the gender you thought they were.

Thoughts and words are not affairs. Cheating is when your naked body interlocks with another person's naked body. Or perhaps when your lips touch the lips of someone who isn't your partner. But when your fingers touch a keyboard and another person's fingers touch a keyboard and the only thing between you is letters and punctuation I don't think it's cheating.

Other people's mileage may vary of course. Some people have very strict views on what is and isn't considered cheating. Some people think porn is cheating. Some people think mild innocuous flirting is cheating. Some people think even thinking about another person sexually is cheating, even if it's a famous person.

The level of control people wish to exert on other people's sexual thoughts and feelings through shame and the label "cheating" can be insane. My view is that your mind is yours to do with as you wish. Your thoughts are yours, your feelings are yours. If you're in a monogamous relationship you've agreed not to share your body with another. But just your body. Anything else is fair game, and in my view, is not cheating.

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