by Vanessa Grixti

Created on: November 23, 2009

I think it may have been winter alone, the harshness of the weather brings about such pain during a breakup, no sunshine, no warmth in the air, it was cold and lonely; much like myself. You waged a war against my fragile heart, only to later realize it was you who was weak. Your mind was filled with the lies you convinced yourself to believe, your heart; distant and malicious. I cannot say I regret you, because if there's one thing you did, it was that you taught me an imperative lesson I will forever hold close to my heart. We accept any kind of love into our lives, the reason being we feel as though it is a gift in which was sent to us, soon after we learn not everything is given to us with good intention.

There I sat, crying my eyes dry; feeling forlorn and empty. I could not put my finger on exactly what emotions I was experiencing besides sadness. It seemed as though I was somewhat numb to all that was occurring. The days felt like years. I saw you today, I got the heaviest feeling in my chest and this wave of grief came over me. Although it hurt, I could not bear to look away. It's rather pathetic that you do not even have the nerve to look me in the eyes. After all of this, one would only assume that a person would have the decency to call a truce in this whirlpool of anger we've been spiraling in. All I wanted was a simple goodbye, a breakup that was not left to be messy and unsolved. Was it really all that difficult to end the relationship once and for all? Why did you have to keep coming back to me and making each and every goodbye more painful than the previous. I fell apart for the first time in my life. My friends were sick and tired of hearing the same story from me. I had no one to turn to except myself. In that time I learned a lot, I learnt that once someone walks out of your life, the choice you have to make is either following the footsteps they have left behind, or leaving them forgotten, and completely obliterated, from not only our minds, but also our hearts. There's a considerably slight connection between the two. Our minds induce our hearts to deem what we do not truly need, our hearts are won over by the ideas of love in our minds, and vice versa. My problem was I should have let your footsteps wash away from my heart. Instead, I followed after. I led myself into this disaster, and now my only escape is to let you go, let us go.

Eight months later and I find myself still heartbroken, but the suffering of it all subsided. You cannot rely on one person to give you all the love you need, they can leave at any moment they please. Sometimes we sway ourselves to think that everything happens on the foundation of people acting out on an impulse. Being angry, happy, upset, even fearful. This day and age, people have lost control of their emotions. Love has always had the same concept, neverending, enriching, satisfying, astounding, every possible adjective that revovles around all that is happiness. The concept remains, however I think we all need an update of how to go about actually loving someone. Not that we are inadequate, but sometimes we just need to take a step back and look at all the little things in someone, because if you piece it all together, you're destined to find something great. Losing love lies in the inability of someone to stay true to their feelings, sometimes it be may against their will; feelings do have the power to simply go away. I have always believed that repairing our souls after the loss of love can be done by starting to love ourseleves. If we do not love ourselves, how will anyone ever love us?

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