by Jeremy Patton

Created on: November 23, 2009

I'm well known for my road rage. I've calmed down now that I'm older, but some drivers still make me fantasize launching a magic fireball that sends their burning vehicle flying off the road. A friend of mine one day got so angry at an old man driving 20 MPH under the speed limit, he rolled down his window and screamed why don't you just pull over and die?"

Yes, it's very mean to scream at old folks, but some of them deserve it. If you must drive excessively slow to keep your car on the road, maybe it's time to surrender your driver's license? Above all, suffering from diminished faculties doesn't mean that you have to be inconsiderate. I'll teach you proper road etiquette.

There are some exceptions to the go the speed limit rule and I usually refrain from wishing diarrhea upon drivers under such conditions. I don't curse people for slowing down when the road is covered in snow and ice or visibility is limited by heavy rain and fog.

I realize that there are other situations that merit slow traveling, other than those caused by the environment. New daddies often take their first trips home from the hospital at a snail's pace. Farmers occasionally need to roll their tractors down the highway. When our cars are on the verge of breaking down, we might need to gingerly drive them to the service station.

All of these situations are understandable and I'll bite my lip and tolerate them with limited patience. LIMITED I say, because one simple act of common courtesy can make these situations easier on everyone:

When you glance in your rear-view-mirror and notice a long procession behind you (and you're not participating in funeral services), you should periodically GET OFF THE ROAD and let everyone by.

It's so easy, so considerate, but few people bother to do it. I once got trapped behind a bus dropping off younglings after school. The driver unloaded nearly all the kids before turning down a side road not far from my destination. A journey that should have taken me less than ten minutes lasted nearly an hour. The bus driver skipped numerous opportunities to pull off the road and let everyone pass.

When gas prices sky-rocketed recently, I learned that slower, steadier driving burns less gas. I've developed a habit of driving 10 MPH under the speed limit and setting the cruise control on my way home from work. You might think that I'm breaking my go the speed limit rule, but that's not the case. I travel a two-lane highway where folks can easily pass me and I usually drive late at night when traffic is light. However, if traffic gets heavy and I notice several drivers stuck behind me, I re-adjust the cruise control and go the speed limit. That is proper road etiquette.

Hopefully, this article helps oblivious impeders of progress understand that some people have places to go and deadlines to meet. If you can't go the damned speed limit, you should make regular pit stops and get the hell out of the way. Practicing a little common courtesy while driving makes life less stressful for everyone.

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