by Kim Russell

Created on: November 22, 2009   Last Updated: November 23, 2009

To understand why children of divorce need special attention , it might help you by participating in this visualization exercise. This is called "nesting." It is not something that will ever happen to you and your family. Nevertheless, attempt to imagine that it is happening and mentally respond with answers as thoughtfully, honestly and emotionally as you can.

When utilizing the concept of nesting, the children remain in the marital residence following divorce. This is a great thing inasmuch as it provides as much consistency as is possible for the children: same neighborhood, same friends, same school, same church, same activities, same schedule, etc. Basically, it maintains for them everything that existed prior to the divorce except for the absence of one parent for a week at a time.

The parents take up residence wherever they wish, but not in the marital residence. (Now you understand why it will not happen; simply not financially possible for the majority of divorcing families to support the two households necessitated by the divorce, much less the three required of nesting.) But imagine anyway that you have a new and different place to live, as does the other parent. You each spend seven straight days, from Monday after work until Monday return to work, in the marital residence providing care for your children. When you leave, the other parent comes in and stays for seven days, and so on and so on.

Now, imagine that it is the Sunday evening prior to the first Monday that you will be leaving from work to return to the marital home to stay with your children for seven days. Seven days out of your primary residence. Your assignment: pack your bags. What must you pack to survive in another household for seven straight days? When I ask this question in co-parenting classes, I immediately hear from amidst the group, "Clothes." My next question is, "What kind of clothes?" Before reading any further, mentally pack all the clothes you will need to function for the next seven days. . . . Here are the typical answers I receive in class: work clothes, couch clothes, Walmarting clothes, Sunday clothes, matching ties, uniforms, socks, shoes, underwear, hose, belts, coordinating jewelry for every outfit, play/work-out clothes, etc.

Bag full yet? Well, you are going to need another, so get it out because the next answer is loaded as well: "Toiletries." What kind of toiletries? Again, mentally pack your toiletries before reading any further. . . The usual responses from

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