by L. Merlino

Created on: November 21, 2009

Any sin is forgivable, but on a sliding scale, how forgivable is cheating?

First of all, let's examine the word "cheat." Was there deceit, trickery, artifice or fraud in the act? We do not "own" our partners but we can expect a certain amount of fidelity from them ... in any kind of friendship. What is love, but friendship caught on fire? But what if we find that the relationship we trusted so much had been all fire and no friendship? That would certainly be hard to forgive - but not impossible. First we'd have to let go and examine the other from afar. In a situation like that, it would be impossible to stay close and have any kind of good feeling about the cad. Yes "cad." Maybe in time, after some sense of closure had been achieved that person may feel inclined to re-approach as a true friend - or not. But be very careful!

Adultery without artifice falls into another category. Maybe we are expecting too much of the person we are with. Perhaps they are simply not ready for the level of commitment we are ready for. Perhaps we are simply not a match - even if we each gave it our best shot.

It is when deception creeps in that we need to really consider the other's motives. First of all, if you are involved with or married to a philanderer, he should come clean about it early on, and not lead you on to think that he is the faithful type. Then, it is your decision whether or not to stay in the relationship.

The same is true for men who are involved with a promiscuous woman. If she is playing the field, you have a right to know early on.

Maybe those errant partners can settle down in time, but it helps to know what one is getting into and to arrive at decisions accordingly. Relationships are always an investment sprinkled with uncertainty, as there is always free-will involved. Who knows what the future may bring, but know what you want before leaping into the unknown with 007 or his female counterpart.

Personally, I believe in monogamous relationships, but do allow for a fall or two. Perfection is not all.

Of course cheating can be forgiven. The real question is whether or not there is any good or justifiable reason to stay in the relationship and only you or your partner can answer that.

Learn more about this author, L. Merlino.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.