by Leslie Hakanen

Created on: February 15, 2007   Last Updated: May 15, 2007

No but's about it!

My three siblings and I were raised in a very firmly disciplined home. So, as you can imagine when I had my daughter much of the same disciplinary standards and values transferred. She was taught that "no" means "no". The famous last words from any child is "but". That was not allowed in my home. Some may say that I am strict but you can rest assured that I am never ashamed to take her in public. She knows that she is to behave herself at all times and always respect her elders.

Like any child, mine is far from perfect. Kids will be kids but I feel comfortable with the way that I am raising her. She was taught from an early age not to back talk any adult, most of all her parents. That is one of the things that I strongly believe in.

I later re-married and now have stepchildren. Both are boys, ages 15 and 10. I learned quickly that my idea of back talking is not the same as most of the world. These two boys, whom I love dearly, were raised in an environment where they were not disciplined unless they raised their voice in the midst of their so-called "back talking". You can imagine my surprise.

I vowed to treat all of my children the same, although I found myself allowing leniency to the boys because of their history. This was not fair to any of the children. I had repeated conversations with both of them explaining what I expected from them and that they would be punished if it continued. After several conversations, my husband and I agreed that it was time for the punishment.

It is amazing how fast you can gain the attention of a child at any age when you take away something that they love. At first it was one day without riding dirt bikes. A day then turned into two followed by no television for a week, which included play station. It did not take long for the back talking to stop. We now all live on equal grounds! Thank goodness for patience!

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