by L. Merlino

Created on: November 21, 2009

First of all, this question is an oxymoron. How can anyone have "custody" of a "friend"? The two words simply don't go together. Friendship is a choice and it depends on being a free agent in order to extend itself, while custody indicates a state of being controlled by another.

Divorces are so often so preoccupied by custody issues that friendships themselves may get dragged into the confusion. All so often however, one ex spouse or the other had been the social butterfly while the other was too lost in the demands of the relationship to cultivate friendships of his or her own. This may not have seemed such a big deal during the marriage when either spouse's friends were part of the other's "social circle" even if only conventionally, but after divorce, isolation becomes more apparent.

In this instance, I'm going to side with the wife, because so many married women "don't get out as much" as their husbands. Of course, there are plenty of exceptions, but the demands of motherhood and the running of a household often do take their toll on one's social life.

"Traditionally speaking", it is the men who get out into the world on a daily basis to bring home the bacon while the woman is literally tugged back by the apron springs minding little ones, preparing meals, catching up on laundry ... this alone affords the man plenty of opportunity to network socially. Of course there are husbands who give their wives plenty of time off while they chip in on the domestic chores, and there are women who are the prominent bread winners ... but that is not the traditional model.

It is customary for a husband to be out bowling or kicking back with his buddies while the wife is home nursing a sick child.

My own situation was extreme and not altogether my husband's fault - I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. He always encouraged me to get out more, but didn't stop to realize how very isolated I was with no car and two very demanding special needs children. At day's end, I'd be so exhausted mentally and physically, that the last thing I wanted to do was get out of the house.

His own social life was moderately active - friends would call on him from time to time - but the bottom line was they were his friends, not mine. I shared absolutely no interests with them, though I tried to blend in with his crowd. On the other hand, I soon learned that any time I made new women friends, they'd stop calling on me after meeting my husband. There was something about him that really put them

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>