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Humor: New Year's resolutions

by Michael Finch

Created on: November 21, 2009

New Year resolutions are commonly made and many times promptly ignored, but maybe this year will be different. What is a resolution anyway? According to Wikipedia it is a declaration, a decree, or a promise. So a New Year resolution is simply a promise or decision to do something or make something happen in the future. A goal! And every motivational speaker, business guru, or life-coach will tout the importance of making goals especially in writing.

As a matter of fact a 1979 study of Harvard graduates found that the three percent who had written goals were earning, on average, ten times more than those with no written goals ten years into their respective careers. Contrary to this direction, I have never written out my goals and have still managed various levels of success leading to my current position oh, wait, I forgot, I'm unemployed! Perhaps, a goal-setting re-evaluation is in order? Maybe this year we should go through the goal-setting process together, so find a quiet place to think and bring a sharp pencil. This could be a life-changing process!

So, let's start broadly and work our way down to the more defined by answering the question, what is the goal of your life? For me, my life-goal is to um, uh, hmmm be somebody, doing something, somewhere. There it is! That wasn't so hard was it? Okay, maybe that was a lot to chew in one bite so let's step back a little. What is your goal for the next five years? Now that's easy. I want to um, uh, hmmm be somebody, doing something, somewhere? I know that seems frighteningly close to my previously stated life-goal, but I bet that means I am in synch with my destiny? Yes, I'm going with that explanation.

If you're still with me on this goal-setting journey, let's move further down the funnel, and determine our goals for this year. Surely, 2010 will be providential in what it will deliver to each of us that are pre-determining our direction and potential future. Make this one specific! So, in 2010 my goal is to um, uh, hmm be somebody, doing something, somewhere for money! Yes, a job! That's specific! I think I'm getting the hang of this. A note to the novice: If you are not reaching the same level of success in goal setting that I am demonstrating, hang in there! This is a very in-depth process that can take years of self-discipline and personal training to master. Feel free to take my goals and modify them to more closely fit your needs.

Let's make it a little easier and focus solely on January. This is where my short-term goal setting can really shine! My January goal is to um, uh, hmmm be somebody, doing something, somewhere, for money lots of money! There it is! Why didn't I think of this last January when I first joined the ranks of the unemployed? It seems so obvious now in retrospect. What am I going to do with all of that money? Now, I'm feeling inspired, so how about a goal for this week? This week I am going to um, uh, hmmm be somebody, doing something, somewhere for money, lots of money right now! Yes! This is exciting! No wonder all of those success-mongers spend so much time talking about goal setting. It is an amazing process! Are you feeling it? Maybe we should determine a goal for today, or the next hour. I don't want to stop, but I need to go check the mailbox for cash. After all, I just finished this article. Another goal met! Maybe I should start here and work my way back up? What do you think?

Learn more about this author, Michael Finch.
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