by J.J. Wett

Created on: November 19, 2009   Last Updated: November 20, 2009

For many, dating can be a very intimidating task to overcome. Dating is filled with anxiety and self insecurity for most. Often, people with disabilities have a much harder time within the dating scene because of other people's insecurities with the disability community. The disability community is looked at as helpless and cannot give back to the community. Within a relationship people with disabilities are looked at in the same way.

People with disabilities need to be looked at as very able within the community and within a relationship. This is how my wife views me. I was born with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type I. Because of this disease, I am in an electric wheelchair and on a ventilator. My wife and I started dating six years ago, when we both started our freshman year in college. Throughout the college years, our lives were full of awkward moments and self insecurity. However, we grew together and finally married this past August.

In our relationship, my wife does not look at me as having a disability. She looks at me as a man with many abilities. By focusing on my abilities instead of my disability, we are able to work together toward a common goal of enhancing our relationship. We are still working together today towards becoming the "perfect couple". There will always be many activities that I cannot participate in because of my disabilities, but if we focus on my abilities instead of my disabilities we will always be enhancing our relationship.

Another important issue with the disability community and dating is a physically intimate relationship. Most people without disabilities think that people with disabilities cannot engage in a physically intimate relationship. This fallacious thinking prohibits people without disabilities to date people with disabilities. The correct thinking is that people with disabilities can have just as good of a physically intimate relationship as people without disabilities. Sometimes, it just takes a little inventiveness!

Physical disabilities are the disabilities most likely to be set apart within the dating scene. However, there is one major factor people with physical disabilities can have in order to attract mates. That major factor is CONFIDENCE! Having confidence in yourself makes others more attracted to you because it shows that you are comfortable in yourself. By being comfortable with yourself, you know your limitations as well as what can be expected of you. My wife told me why she was attracted to me, and that was because I knew who I was and focus on getting to know her. The second factor that attracted my wife to me was my inventiveness. She loved the way that I would find a way to do everything, whether it was romantic or in everyday life. By having confidence and inventive I have found the woman of their dreams.

For all of the men and women out there who think that they cannot get a partner; have patience! By getting to know yourself better, you will explore the multiple dimensions of others.

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