by Thornshackle

Created on: November 19, 2009   Last Updated: November 20, 2009

Advertising is the unofficial buzzword for America's war against sticky footed, spidery mutant aliens. Now this isn't pretty, and if you're going to survive you've got to fight. Now typically, the battle ground which this type of war is waged looks a lot like your basic office. You've got a perpetual maze of cubicles, all eventually leading to a cave in which there are spidery mutant aliens plotting over how to best suck your brain from your skull.

"How dreadful, but what can I do about it?" you ask? Read on, everything you need to survive the advertising war is right here in this little office...erm...I mean battleground survival manual.

Step one: Setting up your base of operations. The base of operations is simply put, the single most important place you'll ever use. This is where you plan your raids, and from which you launch your sneak attacks against the Spidery mutant aliens. Your base of operations or home base as we'll be referring to it in order to save on time and space, because every second we waste, is another second gone which could have best been better spent on informing you on just how you're to defeat the near unstoppable sticky footed, spidery mutant aliens.

Still with me? Good. Now as I was saying, the Home base can most easily be constructed by toppling your personal cubicle inward. This serves twin objectives simultaneously. Firstly, it keeps your office around so people don't think you've gone missing and alert the aliens of the fact that you're secretly on to them, by pointing out that you're not present. Secondly if keeps you in the familiar, and believe you me, when you're dealing with the grossly unfamiliar, nothing can reinforce your resolve to fight like surrounding yourself with tokens which serve to remind you of what's important: i.e. that picture of your family which was sitting on your desk, that magnetic poetry set that you received at the office Christmas party last year; the one that you swear went the way of the dodo five years ago, but which Ron from Accounting swears came from the literacy store, but when you call, go online, or stop in, the resident clerk looks at you like you just declared superfragacallalisticexpialladocious to be an actual word. That and the subtle tag which that weasel Ron from Accounting forgot to remove which verifies that the product was indeed discontinued during the year of 2004, so you're pretty sure that that thing has been in the basement, attic, or closet of that cheapskate bast-anyways,

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