by Marnia Robinson

Created on: November 18, 2009   Last Updated: November 21, 2009

Boys and Internet Porn: Biking Without Brakes

Despite parental supervision, by age eleven most boys collide with today's extreme Internet pornography. As a non-parent with absolutely no interest in pornography, I was surprised to learn what a dodgy combination tweens and Internet porn can be.

I host a website on intimate relationships. It includes research about the effects of sexual stimulation on a primitive, rather delicate, part of the brain, which is at the heart of our drives and moods. It's called the reward circuitry, and it's also at the core of all addictions.

That was enough for Google to send swarms of desperate men to my forum seeking to overcome porn addiction. (Of course women can get hooked, too, but it is a greater problem for men at the moment.) Many are in their twenties, kind-hearted, despondent, and hooked on porn since their teen years, or earlier.

When they try to quit, they suffer severe cravings as well as physical and emotional withdrawal symptoms: shaking, pounding headaches, insomnia, lack of focus, depression, anxiety, irritability, paranoia, mood swings, self-defeating thinking, etc. This misery goes on for weeks. Relapse is very likely, especially for the first two months.

Recently, I asked one of them what he would tell tweens if he could:

"Porn is very seductive. It's free (mostly); it is not illegal (mostly); there are many easy ways to get it; and the cops do not come looking for you. But you can lose what makes you YOU. You put off doing things, helping family and socializing. You become a slave. You will not be able to control it. It will consume you. You may not believe me, but all of that can happen."

"I did not start driving till I was almost 30 because I didn't need to get out, or go anywhere. I had all the digital sex I needed. The faster my Internet connection, the more time I watched porn. I lost so much of my time, my life. What could I have done with all that time?"

Explaining the risks of today's Internet porn to kids is not only awkward; it's a tricky business. Shaming or forbidding them can make the problem worse, for reasons explained below. Here are some key concepts:

Internet porn alters the brain ... fast

Internet pornography isn't just a series of kicks. Each experience releases a cascade of neurochemicals in the brain. The more released the stronger the connections they form between nerve cells. Strong neural pathways ensure that the user remembers, and repeats, stimulating experiences.

Why? Our genes like

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