by Rob O'Hannon

Created on: November 17, 2009

Once upon a time I would have pitied the poor, poor, foolhardy smoker. Betrayed by the industry they supported, hunted down by laws and regulations and taxes wherever they go, the smoker stands alone, banished from a society he feels he never made, but that certainly made him.

Consider the plight of the smoker in our culture. Bombarded during his or her misspent youth with images of smoking being cool and hip, and filled with the notion that smoking turns you into a sex symbol despite make you smell like someone's old rancid socks that were exposed to New Jersey smog for thirty years and then dipped in the cesspool of hell, they huddle in corners, whispering about the unfairness of it.

These unfortunates truly believe that their rights and liberties are being taken away for no just reason. No scientific argument or weight of evidence, or admission (even that of the industry that chuckled as it admitted it lied to addict them, then counted them as dead after so many years and made plans to go after their children to replace them) can sway them from that point of view. They have come to view non-smokers as freedom crushing heathens who have no rights of their own. And so they strike back by sneaking smokes in bathrooms, by breathing their fumes in the faces of those that oppose smoking, and by dumping their toxic litter all over the landscape. They meet on websites to discuss how to undermine the laws that protect non-smokers, laws that they feel are ungodly in their discrimination against them.

Does this sound familiar? It should, for these smokers use the same tactics as Al Qaeda! They are the domestic terrorists with secret cells all across this country, plotting against our great nation in the name of their god Nicotine!

Whipped into a frenzy by the industry that has enslaved them for life, they will do anything to appease Nicotine, sacrificing themselves, their families and everyone around them in a fanatic attempt to control the world!

How many times have you seen smoker cells, huddled together outside the doorway of your building, or clustered around a public building, whispering to each other and giving you looks that say I'd kill you and the rest of the world so I can smoke inside, you son of a tobacco-less whore! whenever you go by? And don't think they wouldn't do it. For decades they have tried to do just that by making you breath in the toxic by product of their perverted Nicotine worship. And worst yet they are still after your children!

That's right, they want your kids. You may never have smoked a day in your life but these ruthless bastards are trying to replace themselves with your children! They appeal to the rebel in your child, making smoking look like independence rather than the hacking, phlegm spewing hell it is for anyone who smokes. They whisper to them of freedom and relaxation, but never speak of the breathless terror that encompasses their dirty, stinking souls when they finish their morning coughing jag and find a piece of their lung staring up at them from the sink.

Oh no, these Nicotine Terrorist are so far gone they actually believe that when they die they will go to Tobacco Road, where each one of them will have 12 virgin tobacco farmer's daughters (or sons, or in some cases sheep) waiting for them when they arrive!

I say it's time to send these Nicoterrorists a strong and clear message this country is non-smoking and if you want to smoke, go stick your head in a volcano. That will get you your virgins really quickly!

Learn more about this author, Rob O'Hannon.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.